#1
(Might tab out how to play it if enough people like this song. It is finger picked and possible the most pretty song I've ever written. People tell me I me this song here could go famous. Sounds really good when played correctly and sung correctly)

The days that we had
Are gone beneath again
We are left here
Bent and broken again
All thats left here
Is the idle that came
When daylight dies
When daylight dies
Again

Time once had here
Days stood in its way
I have walked alone
Accepting pain never known
The sorrows
Of my heart
Blackest like evil is
Apologizing from within
Last edited by davfmy at Nov 2, 2009,
#3
Yes i do know. Lol I just copied and paste this song from a folder that has many songs in it that ive written or am working on.

I will get around to fixing that.

And thank you.
#4
i like the first stanza. It flows much better. I imagine it sounds beautiful with an acoustic.

"Blackest like evil is
Apologizing from within" Im not too sure about this line. I dont really understand what its trying to say
#5
Quote by sheri234
i like the first stanza. It flows much better. I imagine it sounds beautiful with an acoustic.

"Blackest like evil is
Apologizing from within" Im not too sure about this line. I dont really understand what its trying to say



The song was written for an ex. Im apologizing for everything that i ever did. My heart being black. And im apopligizing.

If you read over the whole song you can understand what im saying to her.

And yes its very beautiful cause its finger picked.
#7
Pretty sure When Daylight Dies is a band but other than that I liked it
This works for almost any situation....

Quote by PaulyVengeance
Punch it. Punch it until it goes away.
#8
It sounds pretty good to me, but it doesn't feel complete. Then again, maybe the guitar will take that.

C4C? The link is in my sig.
#9
Quote by Rock? Anyone
Pretty sure When Daylight Dies is a band but other than that I liked it


"As Daylight Dies" is also a song/album by Killswitch Engage.
This choice is passion, this path is tension.
#11
I feel that this isn't finished. That there's something more to it, something more to tell. Talk about the days you 'had' not how they're gone. I want to hear about that afterwards. The last line is very awkward 'blackest like evil is apologizing from within' it is very blunt, how it drops from the previous phrase to that one. Also it sounds really unfinished.

You need to explain the 'idle' and you need to explain what you 'had.' Because we are just getting brief images that give us nothing important. If this is a relationship song you need to explain or add what happened. They don't have to be more than two lines but just give us something here.

Any song can be beautiful regardless of whether it's finger picked. Sorry if this crit is too harsh but I feel that you need to give us something more here.

wine cellar needs a crit
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1228629
#12
Quote by davfmy
The days that we had
Are gone beneath again The repetition of 'again' here and two lines down could either be really effective or really not.
We are left here
Bent and broken again May be a cliche here, but I still like it
All thats left here
Is the idle that came
When daylight dies
When daylight dies
Again

Time once had here
Days stood in its way
I have walked alone
Accepting pain never known
The sorrows
Of my heart
Blackest like evil is
Apologizing from within
A big 'I'm sorry' song. It's pretty good. The second stanza is really good. I think a third stanza could work out very well, provided it's written well.

C4C in sig
#13
this is good, but as said before by others, it is unfinished apart from that brilliant
#14
ya i never did think it was finished.

I just did not know if it was any good or not so i posted it here.
And oh, for the people that don't understand. Its written really deep. Im not going to come out and actually say what happened. You just have to understand it. Or just listen to it. But i have no way of recording so there wont be an mp3 file to it

But overall im glad at least some people like
People who have actually heard it in person say its really good.

I just like to know what people think. And if you dont like it. Just tell me. Im not expecting everybody to like it. There will be people that do not like it.