#1
c4c ... due to the lack of crits... s4c (sex 4 crits)

The Leaves

They fall from the trees
Yet in the face of death
They are elegant
They become colorful
And are cool and collected.
They simply wait their turn
As they fall one by one

The casualties mount
But they don’t complain
It is just the circle of life
To die and let die
Because in the end
None of them will live
All will fall, all will die

There is no sense in protest
They just have to let it be
Struggle will only make
Their death much worse
They know it will come
No matter how they try
To avoid their fate

Johnny watched them fall
As he lay in his hospital bed
He simply opened his eyes
And he watched
Then his eyes closed
He has become one
With the leaves
Last edited by 21wickwing at Nov 4, 2009,
#2
In the first stanza, "are cool" doesn't do it for me. I think a word like "graceful" or something better could make it a lil better.

Didn't find anything wrong, had a good read. And that last stanza really caught me unguard. DIdn't except that at all, and it was a great ending !
#5
very nice read, but I feel that maybe you could've expanded the idea that leaves not only accept death, but are elegant, that they welcome death as natural and not "evil."

I realize that's the whole point of your story, but It seems to read more about how death is inevitable (but still evil) rather then how death is natural and just as beautiful as life.

EDIT: C4C? song is Broken Hearts, should be just below yours with 0 responces ( )
Last edited by nmitchell076 at Nov 17, 2009,