#1
Just wanted to post these lyrics that I've been working on, just so i can see what i need to change,
also the 2nd verse is horrendous tbh. finally its meant to be a pop punk song


"Why are you off in your own little world? *
just so you can chase rainbows for the pot of gold? *
You've gone and left me behind
while you look for what you'll never find.
I'm In Reality, a thousand miles from where you are
These Dreams wont get you very far...

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown? Chorus
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you can not predict

Will you keep on looking till the end
or go back to the "Ex- Best Friend"
The one who saw who you were. *
Who kept you up when you were low
Has now just become a "John Doe" *


What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown? Chorus
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you just cant predict

You will find yourself, looking back on what we had
all the things that were done and said
You're still out there chasing the pot of gold, hey
but i'm still out there living in reality *

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you just cant predict


\I know its bad, but its a work in progress, :p
#2
Suprisingly, I liked this peace alot. Most of the lyrics on here I cannot here in an actual song. But this piece I think had a good mix of story and song style.

"Why are you off in your own little world? *
just so you can chase rainbows for the pot of gold? *
You've gone and left me behind
while you look for what you'll never find.
I'm In Reality, a thousand miles from where you are
These Dreams wont get you very far...
(Awesome. It bought my attention, and gave it a fairytale/fantasy type theme, in the sense of pot of gold, dreams and reality)
What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown? Chorus
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you can not predict
(I really like the first two lines of this chorus, fuggin catchy. I don't think the last line fits, basically because you are predicting it)
Will you keep on looking till the end
or go back to the "Ex- Best Friend"
The one who saw who you were. *
Who kept you up when you were low
Has now just become a "John Doe" *
(Like the John Doe reference)

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown? Chorus
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you just cant predict

You will find yourself, looking back on what we had
all the things that were done and said
You're still out there chasing the pot of gold, hey
but i'm still out there living in reality *
(I feel like there could be a little more to this, maybe more personal or different details.)
What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?

What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?
Watch him throw it away, you'll see i was right someday
You and him just wont "click"
Somethings you just cant predict


Great song dude.
#3
thanks for the reply, i'll take the advice on board,
about the "somethings you just cant predict line" its there cos the person i wrote the song about believes that they are pychic so i thought it was relevent, but i agree it dosent fit. i dont really like the last 2 lines in the chorus tbh
#5
Quote by li4m4
What are you going to do when the world comes down ?
Are you going to find your prince and give him his crown?
I really like these lines. These have a lot of tension.

Quote by li4m4
Will you keep on looking till the end
or go back to the "Ex- Best Friend"
The one who saw who you were.
Who kept you up when you were low
Has now just become a "John Doe"
Very cutting. I like that. Although, these few lines almost seem like a change in the vocal rhythm, mainly cuz this section is shorter than the others.