The title and the picture is too brutal for the simple and soft music.

The "vocals" don't fit with the riffs. And the drums are too monotonous.
Vocals were a first for me. I didnt wanna spend any real time on em cuz were gonna have a guy who is good at vocals do it later. Same with drums. I think the vocals need to be brutal though cuz we tried havin em sung but it just seemed wrong. Im not sure if i mentioned in the info but this was a demo. Cleaned up and vocals n drums done better this got potential

Also vocals are deffinately not nessesary because it will most likey end up as an opening track and im all about instrumentals. This is the place to get help on songs right? Well if you got any advice give it here. Im writing all this music myself n could use some advice from time to time
Last edited by YourMasterIsMe at Nov 4, 2009,
i got a couple more parts written for the song but i think the songs full. The things im thinking about changing are

1. the very end acoustic part might get taken out. i like it and it ends the song where it started but for an opening track to a metal album its probably gonna throw off the record you know? like clean, heavy, clean, heavy. itll make the song sound outta place i think.

2. the "solo" in the middle. ive tried a real solo there but i think a melody in its place sounds much better. im not sure about the three part harmony. the second harmony sounds a little iffy there. i was thinking about either shortening it just a base riff and the octave or using this other lead i have that sounds like an inverted circus ride.

I think the vocals, as shoddy as they are, have to stay because i was gonna take em out and put leads instead but it gets too busy.

let me know what you guys think seriously. you cant get stuff done when your half listening to other ppls songs just to get em to go to your own songs. so far what ive gotten is pretty much "this was cool this sucked and this sucked. redo it and listen to my song"
lol fun fact: i can do decent death growls you know what i mean like corpsegrinder fisher vocals. i actually did the whole take kinda high pitched so i could lower the pitch digitally to get that brutal sound. i wanted to see why people never do that and i think we all know why now. around thankgiving my friend is gonna come back here from college and were gonna re do the whole thing. he sent me advice to make the drums better but im just gonna wait till he records it. as far as vocals ill try em again when we work on the song but im really no vocalist. i could never do them and play guitar at the same time anyways. im glad people have liked it. and if you didnt like it keep an open mind for when i rerelease it. in the meantime (is that how you spell that? lol) keep the suggestions comming, i put it up online (with tons of fear it will get stolen but i got proof i had it first and witnesses lol) to see what people who dont know me think so i could get honest feedback. im definately not gonna say its good the way it is and any ideas will get concidered (prolly another typo, expect more)

anyways sorry i type too much but where i live nobody is an active musician so im basically going this alone. im looking forward to talking music on here