#1
Well this started out as a song, but after playing with it for a couple hours I threw the guitar down and just wrote. C4C, leave a link


When your old and in love,
and have settled down with someone else.
And time can be told by the stories
Of, when I was your age.
Does the thought cross your mind,
what happened to those days.
Those nights when the stars,
they made us feel alive.
Because here I am, trapped in my youth,
wondering what makes this worth it.
The cruel words, wrong turns, sinful burns.
Where has the purity of heart gone.
Not even love can restore this myth,
because love doesn't even exist.
Even religion has lost it's innocence.
Faith is nothing more than
a facade to ones sinful life.
And when I try to give hope to one,
Lies pay for what's trying to be done.
Hope is lost,
change is infeasible.
#2
Quote by DreamCatchMe
When your old and in love,
and have settled down with someone else.
And time can be told by the stories
Of, when I was your age.
Does the thought cross your mind,
what happened to those days.

All of this was fantastic, though perhaps the two "and"s have sort of a sore thumb placement
Quote by DreamCatchMe
Those nights when the stars,
they made us feel alive.

Perhaps the "there" was there to help with rhythm, but otherwise I'd say it's a bit buggy
Quote by DreamCatchMe
Because here I am, trapped in my youth,
wondering what makes this worth it.
The cruel words, wrong turns, sinful burns.
Where has the purity of heart gone.

Here you started to lose some of that toasty wording I liked in the beginning.
Quote by DreamCatchMe
Not even love can restore this myth,
because love doesn't even exist.
Even religion has lost it's innocence.
Faith is nothing more than
a facade to ones sinful life.
And when I try to give hope to one,
Lies pay for what's trying to be done.
Hope is lost,
change is infeasible.

This last bit I didn't feel was special.
You had plenty of ideas popping out, but you threw each one away without the slightest elaboration or pondering.

Still, I'd say this is a pretty solid piece of work.
Keep it up
#3
Haha yeah I agree with you. The first six lines were the song. And then the rest was just writing, didn't really pay attention to where I was going. I'll try and keep the idea's to one when writing. Thanks for the crit. I'll get yours