For a metal song, i just want to know if they are worth keeping and showing to my band mates, or if by releasing such a catastrophe of words, i caused the death of thousands of puppys and kittens everywhere. I'm also still not sure if i want to change it from 3rd person to 1st person. I'll C4C if you leave anything remotely helpful.

Verse I

Broken bodies scattered here,
Slain by your own hands,
The guilt you fell will sear,
You can barely stand,

The deed is done and you are thanked,
You don’t think you’ve earned it,
A hundred lives were lost just now,
But you not allowed to quit,


Be a good soldier,
That is all they say,
Follow our order,
The same thing every day,

This contract binds you,
Written in your blood,
Nothing you can do,
Though if you could you would

Chorus I

Sell your soul with every breath,
Burning wounds and pitch black death,
Something’s died inside us all,
And from the ashes you will crawl,

A demons fire in your heart,
You’ve been lost and torn apart,
Drowning in your own despair,
No ones left to send your prayer,

Verse II

Another order to the front,
One more man you have to kill,
This time you’ve had enough,
This time you will not heel (heal),

A traitor you’ve been branded,
Your crimes are read aloud,
Disobeyed what they commanded,
But of this, you’re proud,


Chorus II

(guitar solo / instrumental bridge)

(Chorus x2)
This is really good, Ide keep it in the 3rd person if it was up to me. The chorus is really sick as well I like the
"Something’s died inside us all,
And from the ashes you will crawl,"
You could clean up the grammar in a couple spots, but thats beside the point. Overall pretty good, if it were me, I'd have a modified version of the chorus after the second verse. Something that modifies the lines "Drowning in your own despair,
No ones left to send your prayer" and shows how the refusal to kill again actually affected his overall state of mind. It would be a bit more consistant with "Disobeyed what they commanded, But of this, you’re proud".

Just my opinion though. Overall very good.
They say that in the army, the food is mighty fine.
The chicken jumped off the table and killed a friend of mine.

Oh lord, I want to go home.
But they won't let me go-o
Ho-oho-ohohahohohome. Hey!
There really isn't anything I'd change; all that's left is really up to the instrumentation. I like it.

C4C? The link is in my sig.