#1
I havent been on here for a while i think. New song. Just wrote it tonight.

If it was possible to look into the future and see how far we'd go tonight,
you would see you and I sitting here, holding on so tight, while I take you for a ride.
and ohh the light pollution creates an orange glow but its not as bright as your eyes. There are no stars in sight, its just you and me above the distant city lights. So just let go of everything tonight.
we'll look up at the sky and see the pale complexion of the moon so high from the horizon line.
No words can describe how beautiful you are in my eyes. So i'll sit back, relax, and enjoy my view of you...
all i have are my hands and the words that come out of these lips,
so i'll pick you out some flowers and give you a kiss so passionate it'll surely sink ships.

I'll crit yours if you'll crit mine! thanks! =)
#2
"If it was possible to look into the future and see how far we'd go tonight,
you would see you and I sitting here"

I think this is a very strong start. It's relateable and innocent. But Unfortunatily you lose me quickly with this line "while I take you for a ride"
I think the vibe that started out, passionate, quickly gets changed to, lets f*ck. And it almost seems like you play between the two. I like the descriptioins you use about the moon, stars, city lights. I can see the setting really well. But I guess I would try and change the, "So just let go of everything tonight" and make it a little more romantic. Good ending though. The only thing I'd change is the flowers part, just because very rarely do people pick flowers at night above the city.

Good writing, just little stuff that you might wanna think about.

Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1211846
#4
I liked it alot, you played it really well ;D I agree, you set the setting very well. You can clearly see it and I love the "Light pollution creates an orange glow but it's not as bright as your eyes" line, I didn't think it could work but it fits well when you play it. Oh yeah, I love the name too ^.^ Nice work!

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1226714
#5
F*ck dude that chorus is catchy as sh*t. Your voice sounds alot like the spill canvas. Guitar playing is a litte rough but gets the job done. Great song! I'd sill change the flower part though haha
#7
Hey dude, take a look at the forum rules please. There's something wrong with your thread title. I'll fix it this time, but read the rules to avoid problems in the future.

Thanks.
#8
so i'll pick you out some flowers and give you a kiss so passionate it'll surely sink ships

Hmmm. I'm thinking maybe something with pushing her hair out of her eyes, something with touching her face and/or hair lol. Or grabbing her hand... looking in her eyes. Just imagine if you were above the city with Jessica Alba, and you were about to give her a kiss, what would you do?
#9
f it was possible to look into the future and see how far we'd go tonight,
you would see you and I sitting here, holding on so tight, while I take you for a ride.
and ohh the light pollution creates an orange glow but its not as bright as your eyes. There are no stars in sight, its just you and me above the distant city lights. So just let go of everything tonight.
we'll look up at the sky and see the pale complexion of the moon so high from the horizon line.
No words can describe how beautiful you are in my eyes. So i'll sit back, relax, and enjoy my view of you...
all i have are my hands and the words that come out of these lips,
so i'll pick you out some flowers and give you a kiss so passionate it'll surely sink ships.


Really good piece, I'll be honest while reading it didn't really do a lot for me, but after the recording i do kinda like it. I think you should look into changing the last line "pick out some flowers and give you a kiss so passionate it'll surely sink ships". It sorta fits, but i find the picking out of flowers largely out of place. Sorry i couldn't be more helpful.
And Like That. He was Gone.

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