#1
hi,

here is an 80% finished song for my new band. I don't know what genre it is..
the clean part is not final yet. I know it sucks.
Bass lines are almost missing everywhere as well. And some parts need improvement.

anyway. C4C off course
Attachments:
song9.zip
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Last edited by macin at Nov 6, 2009,
#3
nice chord progression first off.

Oooh. part at 9 is cool. i like the lead.

You definately need to add bass and maybe even some keyboards (Strings, synth you know?)

Nice breakdowns as well.

In all honesty, i think 129 is a good place to end the song.

not a fan of 157 >_>'...


Overall this is pretty good, but after a while it starts sounding very repetitive and long.
i honestly think you should end the song near 129.

But don't get me wrong, you did have some good riffs in there. Same goes for the drumming

mind looking at mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1224551
Last edited by Squares at Nov 5, 2009,
#5
The breakdown is useless, otherwise great rif***e. Very technical and great melodies.

I love this song. It has Between The Buried And Me written all over it, and it's one of my favourite bands.

9/10 (because of useless breakdown)

I made the chorus more interesting btw
I live near Lake Bodom WORSHIP MEEEEEEE

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LOL, for some reason the impression I get from you is like some wacky Frank Zappa of metal pulling pranks at the Grammys and telling crude jokes during interviews.
#6
Quote by henkka_potku
The breakdown is useless, otherwise great rif***e. Very technical and great melodies.

I love this song. It has Between The Buried And Me written all over it, and it's one of my favourite bands.

9/10 (because of useless breakdown)

I made the chorus more interesting btw


Thanks alot for the feedback (all of you)
but in what way is the breakdown useless?
and how did you make it more interesting?

And thank you for the btbam remark and the post up higher ABR and PTH. A great honor, those bands are amazing
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Last edited by macin at Nov 8, 2009,
#7
That my good chum is brilliant

my favourite part has to be when the extra guitar comes in

everything just eeked perfection, although what I would sya is to work on the transition to the jazz guitar, even if you have the jazz guitar part fade in it will make so much difference

other than that, great, keep it up man

Ultrasonic
#8
Thanks for the crit.

Nothing really grabbed my attention until bar 11.

I didn't like the drums stopping at bars 18 and 26.

27-30 was brilliant. I like 31-38 too, but I didn't like how the drums was constantly stopping.

The part starting at bar 61 was amazing.

The breakdown at bar 90 was awesome, minus the fact that you have the chinas as ghost notes, what is the point of that?

The solo at bar 177 was really good. The only thing I didn't like was when the rhythm stopped and the two guitars harmonized.

I really like how you ended the song, nice work here.

8.5/10
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#9
yea man i really dig your chord work in this song. for some reason i don't necessarily like the rhythm in the verse part, i feel like the sixteenth note triplets just kind of get lost. but its guitar pro.

i love the leads that start at 31. i would maybe change up the drum beat a bit though halfway through that part. 61 is another part that really stood out to me. great melodic content. you use some of my favorite chords ever in 78-79 haha i love it.

the breakdown is ok but you could definitely do some more with it. even if it was just staying away from the open strings.


the clean parts and solo are great, really no complaints here. nice build up.
you obviously have a keen ear for melody, you remind me a lot of my writing as well.
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#10
This sounds a lot like a lot of bands that I don't like, unfortunately. I'm not a fan at all of metalcore, but I'll give it a go.

This is some trademark, epic metalcore mate. I'm sure if I was a fan of the genre I'd be getting off on it, becauese aside from the breakdown (and the 5/4 breadown), which I didn't really feel at all, every section of this song does exactly what it's intended to do.

Theres so much angst in the part at 109. (This is part of what I dislike about the genre, but you've pulled it off pretty effectively)

And you've done it again at 177.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't like metalcore, but I think you've pulled it off pretty effectively. Sorry if this isn't much help.

And cheers for your kind words.
#11
Quote by Veil Of Osiris
Thanks for the crit.

Nothing really grabbed my attention until bar 11.

I didn't like the drums stopping at bars 18 and 26.

27-30 was brilliant. I like 31-38 too, but I didn't like how the drums was constantly stopping.

The part starting at bar 61 was amazing.

The breakdown at bar 90 was awesome, minus the fact that you have the chinas as ghost notes, what is the point of that?

The solo at bar 177 was really good. The only thing I didn't like was when the rhythm stopped and the two guitars harmonized.

I really like how you ended the song, nice work here.

8.5/10


The china's are ghost notes because in RSE cymbals are waaaay too loud. I know without RSE they are too silent.
I was thinking to let the rythm continue. I guess it's better that way. I'll think about letting the drums continue as well.

Thank you for you crit and the compliments



yea man i really dig your chord work in this song. for some reason i don't necessarily like the rhythm in the verse part, i feel like the sixteenth note triplets just kind of get lost. but its guitar pro.

i love the leads that start at 31. i would maybe change up the drum beat a bit though halfway through that part. 61 is another part that really stood out to me. great melodic content. you use some of my favorite chords ever in 78-79 haha i love it.

the breakdown is ok but you could definitely do some more with it. even if it was just staying away from the open strings.


the clean parts and solo are great, really no complaints here. nice build up.
you obviously have a keen ear for melody, you remind me a lot of my writing as well.


Thank you for the kind words.. I appreciate it. I have been thinking about making the drums more continous in part 31 if that's what you mean?


This sounds a lot like a lot of bands that I don't like, unfortunately. I'm not a fan at all of metalcore, but I'll give it a go.

This is some trademark, epic metalcore mate. I'm sure if I was a fan of the genre I'd be getting off on it, becauese aside from the breakdown (and the 5/4 breadown), which I didn't really feel at all, every section of this song does exactly what it's intended to do.

Theres so much angst in the part at 109. (This is part of what I dislike about the genre, but you've pulled it off pretty effectively)

And you've done it again at 177.

As I mentioned earlier, I don't like metalcore, but I think you've pulled it off pretty effectively. Sorry if this isn't much help.

And cheers for your kind words.
[\QUOTE]

Can you be more specific on the breakdowns? Too generic? I tried to make them a bit more original than your everyday breakdown .

Thanks for the crit. A crit of someone who doesn't like the music is important as well.
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Last edited by macin at Nov 9, 2009,
#12
Quote by macin

Thanks for the crit. A crit of someone who doesn't like the music is important as well.

Maybe I can be of use too?
I havn't read the other crits as to be completely unbiased.
Starting off, sounds like somethingcore, if that's what you're going for, great. :P:
first complaint is that the lead parts starting @ bar 31 sounds a little chaotic. Maybe it would be helped by holding the notes instead of rests?
I like the style of chords and the drums work with the piece.
The harmonised bit 39-41 sounds a tad generic and 'all done before' to me, but the bit straight after, I liked. It harmonised well, it worked well. And I really liked the tapping part.
The rest up until the solo was good, not really anything to say there.
The solo is a metalcore solo, I don't like it but it's well written lol though it does go on for a while...
If it were me, I'd be using a short snappy outro (or shorter anyway) around bar 125, because I think the next bit doesn't work too well and it starts to drag on a bit towards the end.
So in conclusion- not my thing at all, but solidly written and could do with a bit of a tidy-up.

Holy long post, Batman!

C4C?
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#13
Quote by gilly_90
Maybe I can be of use too?
I havn't read the other crits as to be completely unbiased.
Starting off, sounds like somethingcore, if that's what you're going for, great. :P:
first complaint is that the lead parts starting @ bar 31 sounds a little chaotic. Maybe it would be helped by holding the notes instead of rests?
I like the style of chords and the drums work with the piece.
The harmonised bit 39-41 sounds a tad generic and 'all done before' to me, but the bit straight after, I liked. It harmonised well, it worked well. And I really liked the tapping part.
The rest up until the solo was good, not really anything to say there.
The solo is a metalcore solo, I don't like it but it's well written lol though it does go on for a while...
If it were me, I'd be using a short snappy outro (or shorter anyway) around bar 125, because I think the next bit doesn't work too well and it starts to drag on a bit towards the end.
So in conclusion- not my thing at all, but solidly written and could do with a bit of a tidy-up.

Holy long post, Batman!

C4C?


Thanks for the long post
I'm not really trying to write a core song or a metalcore solo.. I just write music that i like. But i get why you think it's too long. Yet i am okay with the length. i might have too make thing a bit more interesting. The solo may not be very good, but it's the first one i have ever written (i always was more of a riffing guy, but that is changing)

Any way thanks for the helpful and honest crit! i appreciate it and off course will crit back
Esp ltd M-1000 deluxe stblck EMG
Epiphone LP standard EMG 81/85
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Bugera 333 XL 120w head
H&K attax 100 combo
Boss me-50
#14
Quote by macin
Can you be more specific on the breakdowns? Too generic? I tried to make them a bit more original than your everyday breakdown .

Thanks for the crit. A crit of someone who doesn't like the music is important as well.

Not too generic, rather not generic enough. They don't really feel like breakdowns at all. Especially the one in 5/4
#15
Quote by Butt Rayge
Not too generic, rather not generic enough. They don't really feel like breakdowns at all. Especially the one in 5/4


haha
i never heard that comment before. But i get what you mean.
Sometimes you just need a simple 4/4 break where the kids can go crazy..
I'll see what i could change about that. But i really like my breaks :p so i'll probably won't change them.
thanks for the crit !
Esp ltd M-1000 deluxe stblck EMG
Epiphone LP standard EMG 81/85
keiper les paul stock
Bugera 333 XL 120w head
H&K attax 100 combo
Boss me-50