#1
Well here it is my fully completed song. I could really use some constructive criticism so I know how I did after my revisions. After all you looked at it so why not comment? Anyway, here is my song:

Rose Above

My life was a sacrifice.
All they did was roll the dice.
Laying in the darkness filled with cries
Remembering all those little lies.

The things I do, this life I choose
Makes me happy win or lose.
Can't remember what I've done
Now I surely will be shun.

Oh now I cannot wait,
To see what becomes my fate.
I just cannot change my past,
But those memories they will last.

You see the things I do, this life I choose
Makes me happy win or lose.
I have hurt myself today
Dwelling on a life of pain.

Tried to leave that life behind,
But memories burnt in my mind.
Sorrow and agony fueled the fire,
Of my life lived as a liar.
Pride takes place of my fears.
Now I can hold back my tears.

But the things I do, this life I choose
Makes me happy win or lose.
Finally remember what I've done
And now I think that I have won.
But what it is and what it was
Doesn't matter I rose above.
#2
The rhyme scheme is about as basic as possible, and it kind of makes the piece drag. The rhymes themselves are also pretty predictable. You should try to branch out with the structure of your lines and your stanzas, I think it would make it a lot more engaging. Also, last line of the second stanza should be "now I surely will be shunned". It wraps up nicely, though.
El Gearo:

Fender '69 Reissue Mustang
Fender American Standard P-Bass

Fender Blues Junior