#1
Something I wrote over the summer. Not actually really about you all at all. S&L as a symbol for one of the biggest issues with my previously failing relationship. This should be a good testament to how terribly suffocating my summer was.

Critforcrit.

I just slashed myself in the face for each negative comment you're posting
I’m in my own personal prison coasting on dead dreams living on
In the seams of the grates on the ceiling in floor
I can’t go on living like this no more

I said that six years ago but my heart’s still breathing
I swear a few years from now you’ll see that the bloods still bleeding when I cut-
Oh wait I’ve said that too, used it as a threat to all of you
Well here’s the time to prove myself straight
Do these promises sound familiar
I’m broken down every night acting sinister in my throat
Hand ripping at my teeth
Trying to find the key hidden underneath

I won’t do nothing but
I won’t do anything but

what happened to the helpful critics of yore who said things that made me think they actually read the poem as oppose to just look for isolated portions to nitpick. I can take criticism, I just want to make sure the critic is looking to help me as oppose to

fuck it. i swear if i keep posting here this place will drive me insane. look, i'm putting forth the effort to write, the least you can do is put forth the effort to try to comprehend the idea here. may as well kill myself now. i should kill myself now. i will kill myself now. kill kill kill.
Fuck you all, I’m out
I hope you all fucking burn.
#2
Hahaha well I actually enjoyed this piece. Although it wasn't about all of us here in the wondeful S&L Forum it could still be applied in that context which made me laugh a bit because that is exactly how I feel sometimes. It was a very cool and original concept idea which gives me that feeling inside like "Damn! I wish I would have thought of that" because I like different and original pieces like this. Sorry, I really don't have time to do a constructive crit but may get back to this later.
#3
i liked it, but the opening line could change; I think if you want to open with that, the rest of that first stanza should flow with the whole S&L vernacular, although if you move that line to the beginning of the next, it works really well I think. The second to last bit was a bit cheesy as it lacked the raw emotionality in the preceding parts.
#6
Yeah, Dylan can write better than this.

But that's really not the point.
Promises meant a lot back then.
#7
Quote by ninja monkey
Yeah, Dylan can write better than this.

But that's really not the point.


You didn't make any sense here, at all.

This wasn't even worth posting.

Anyway, see you in a couple of months <3
Last edited by phantom1 at Nov 7, 2009,