#1
You can't touch me

[Verse 1]
You validate yourself by how others see you,
spend too much time, trying just to please.
Everybody has to know all about you,
if it were up to you we'd all be on our knees.

[Chorus]
Your words bounce off me,
they don't leave a chink.
You can say what you want,
i don't care what you think.
Take your best shot
you can't touch me,
I don't have any of
your insecurity.

[Verse 2]
Spending your life trying to impress,
what you do, say or think, mirrors all the rest.
Yeah, your unique, just like everybody else,
you can't have self esteem without a sense of self.


[Chorus]
Step right up and,
get in the ring.
Huff and puff all you want,
i dont feel anything.
Take your best shot
you can't touch me,
I don't have any of
your insecurity.

[Bridge]
So dont come knocking, knocking at my door.
You aint nothing, i haven't seen before
All the smiles, in time they'll turn to frowns.
'cause in the end, what goes up, must come down.

[Verse 3]
You think your really special, you think your really fine,
spend your life living on someone elses dime.
If i come along and don't treat you like a queen
Then you better run away coz you wont get to me

[Chorus]
Your words bounce off me,
they don't leave a chink.
You can say what you want,
i don't care what you think.
Take your best shot
you can't touch me.
I don't have any of
your insecurity.

[Outro]
Waiting for your moment
screaming your time will come
because it easier to think that then to
face what you have done.

While your world crumbles around,
a hollow shell thats begun to crack
dont bother picking pieces
your not coming out intact

Nobody tryed to save you
and why should they anyway
when you never stopped to listen
or give us the time of day

Staring down a sunset
a requiem of broken dreams
Honey feigning indignation doesn't
excuse your misdeeds

When you got everthing you wanted
leaving others in your wake
never thinking for a second
you should do more than just take

I guess thats how this story ends
and you can claim it isn't true
but your words will fall on deaf ears
because no one cares about you
#3
[Chorus]
Your words bounce off me,
they don't leave a chink.
You can say what you want,
i don't care what you think.
Take your best shot
you can't touch me,
I don't have any of
your insecurity.


I think your chorus needs a bit more work, it doesn't seem to flow to me - particularly the end of "me" and "insecurity". And i really don't like the line "they don't leave a chink", Which sorta sounds like you put it in there to rhyme with think.


you can't have self esteem without a sense of self.


Thats a sweet last line. And Overall a solid second verse.

[Chorus]
Step right up and,
get in the ring.
Huff and puff all you want,
i dont feel anything.
Take your best shot
you can't touch me,
I don't have any of
your insecurity.


Huff and puff really takes away any aggression you were trying to create.

[Bridge]
So dont come knocking, knocking at my door.
You aint nothing, i haven't seen before
All the smiles, in time they'll turn to frowns.
'cause in the end, what goes up, must come down.


You think your really special, you think your really fine,
spend your life living on someone elses dime.


Again the rhyming kinda lets the piece down, it just sounds a bit too forced.

Waiting for your moment
screaming your time will come
because it easier to think that then to
face what you have done.

While your world crumbles around,
a hollow shell thats begun to crack
dont bother picking pieces
your not coming out intact

Nobody tryed to save you
and why should they anyway
when you never stopped to listen
or give us the time of day

Staring down a sunset
a requiem of broken dreams
Honey feigning indignation doesn't
excuse your misdeeds

When you got everthing you wanted
leaving others in your wake
never thinking for a second
you should do more than just take

I guess thats how this story ends
and you can claim it isn't true
but your words will fall on deaf ears
because no one cares about you


Theres a fair few well-travelled words and phrases in here, like "hollow shell" and "requiem of broken dreams" "falling on deaf ears". I'm not implying they don't work, i just think if you spent a little more time you might create some more personal imagery. Overall i think its ok, you can certainly sense the aggression behind it, but i think it needs a bit more fine tuning.
And Like That. He was Gone.

My Lyrics

Love
#4
Thanks for the crit, i agree with most of what you said. I've written and scrapped the chorus maybe four times and i'm still not happy with it (especially that chink part). The bridge is also a weak point so it might get re-written too.
#5
It looks to me as if your trying to tell a story, so maybe after the the first verse you'd wanna skip that chorus and go into the second verse.

I don't really like it. I think the rhythms don't flow or the verses much. Some of it sounds forced too.