#1
I woke up yesterday, like I do everyday, and deiced to begin the day with a nice shit. As I'm sitting there on the can, reading Calvin and Hobbes comics enjoying my self quiet a bit I notice a flicker of movement towards to vent that's directly across from me.
I glanced away from Calvin's daily troubles only to see an 8 legged, brown, fast, spider climbing all over the vent. He would repeatably climb in and out of the vent confusing me as to what his first move may be.
My mind begun racing over all the close weapons I had. preferably I would want to use something with a little range so I don't have to get close to this thing but since I was in the bathroom with my pants around my ankles, supplies were limited.
The spider took this distraction as a chance to make a run for it. He started dashing right towards the toilet and I started panicking.
He got about half way then took a right for the bath tub/shower and started climbing up to the edge of that.
I took this opportunity and filled up a glass with water and splashed him right into that bathtub.
He was stunned and fairly wet but I knew this wasn't over. I continued to splash him until he couldn't climb up the sides of the bath tub and he resided to curling up in a ball and playing dead.
This gave me time to finish up my shit and position my self for the final assault. The spider noticed me regrouping and frantically tried to escape the bath tub but there was no where he could run or hide and I splashed him into oblivion (down the drain)

Now I usually follow my shits with brushing my teeth and taking a shower but today the shower couldn't wait. I had to ensure this spider was FAR down that drain so I grabbed my supplies and jumped in the shower.
Everything was going fine until I stepped out of the shower and begun drying myself off...
I noticed, once again, out of the corner of my eye, the exact same kind of spider sprinting along the edge of the bath tub closest to me, ready to strike. I jump across the whole bathroom to the other corner just as he took cover behind a small shampoo bottle.
I was baffled. Amazed. I saw the spider go down the drain. How the hell did he get back up?!?!
Once again I quickly considered my options. I couldn't use the water technique because he was hiding behind the shampoo bottle so I would have to go melee on this guy.
He was already climbing down the side of the bathtub towards the vent so I quickly grabbed 4 tissues (Ideal spider killing amount) and positioned myself for the attack.
Just as he got to the bottom.. BAM I almost punched a hole in the wall I hit him so hard.
I smeared a bit of his guts then threw him out. I'm lucky to be alive today.
If it wasn't for my quick thinking and maneuvering I would be long gone. But I fear this is only the beginning to some crazy war that we have on our hands.

Careful, my fellow pit goers, the spiders are assembling.

Pic's of the carnage soon to follow.

As you can see there are some of the legs still on the wall. I would have used the nice camrea and got a good close up but the battery is dead.
Last edited by Ssargentslayer at Nov 7, 2009,
#2
cool story bro
HELLEDIT:
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"Don't brutal your sister, Timmy!"


last.fm
Last edited by Helloween4Ever at Nov 7, 2009,
#3
cool story broheim.
❝Don't be afraid of death, but of an inadequate life❞
Bertolt Bretcht


#4
TL;DR

I assume it's just about killing a spider while taking a sh/t.

EDIT: I read it and...
Pics or you just took a sh*t and a shower.
DO YOU LIEK ME???

cause i dont like you


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Lol. If insomniac's were called something less cool like "cock lords" or something I bet there would be significantly less people claiming to be it.
#5
Omg!! This Is Win!!!
Brasil.

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I heard there is uranium gas in the tubes. So you could easily make a little nuclear blast. If i were you, i wouldn't want to start the World War III.




THE SHORT BACK AND SIDES !!!

Fender Jaguar HH
Digitech RP355
#7
I hate when people are scared of little spiders and have to resort to killing them.
edit; I hope they eat you,
just give me a fender and let me rip
Last edited by sk8board3r at Nov 7, 2009,
#9
Seems my assassination attempt has failed yet again.

*crosses trained murder spider off the list*

Quote by Ichikurosaki
sloth is hacking away feebly at the grass because he is a sloth but he was trying so hard ;_; hes all "penguin im HERE i am here to help you penguin"
#11
too much to read
Quote by JeanMi36
Back when I was a teen, I was making out with this girl, when I had the bright idea of putting my hand inside her panties.

She had her period.

I'm scarred for life
#13


awesome story, bro
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You have a Badger Song avatar!!!!!

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VAJAYJAY


Monkey Ball Sack

#15
lolol. This could've been me.
Usually if i dont have any long range weapons at my disposal I start throwing things at it tho. spiders suck big time.
The corners of your mouth feel dry and rather itchy, don't they?

(oh god, I just noticed this one) Your penis is never quite comfortable in its current position.

oh btw:
manual blinking activated
#16
Quote by Amos_Moses
I thought this was gonna be a spider vs spider thing.


same

like at first i was pretty disappointed. then i laughed at the story, but now im disappointed again cause spider vs spider would've been worlds better
Quote by edge11
yeah im not at gc dude, i dont live there.


||=(|''''|''''|''''|''''|)>-----
#17
Quote by sk8board3r
I hate when people are scared of little spiders and have to resort to killing them.
edit; I hope they eat you,


That's huge. O_O
#18
Quote by Wesseem
same

like at first i was pretty disappointed. then i laughed at the story, but now im disappointed again cause spider vs spider would've been worlds better

I'm sorry to disappoint.
#20
Quote by Amos_Moses
I thought this was gonna be a spider vs spider thing.


meh too but it was still pretty good
Rofl?







Lol Cross. The Power of LOL Compels you!
#22
OLD.

Bowkore already did it. Or possibly Mayday.
~don't finkdinkle when ur supposed to be dimpdickin~
#24
the most epic spider battle on UG was with a giant Australian spider and it was caught on tape for our viewing pleasure. So yeah...
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

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RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

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Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

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We all desire a little pussy.
#25
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
the most epic spider battle on UG was with a giant Australian spider and it was caught on tape for our viewing pleasure. So yeah...
Link?
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I tremble before your enormous penis.
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and i farted, it was really stink
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Led Pepplin, you are god because of this thread.
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#26
you didn't wipe your bum?

ew.
Quote by RU Experienced? , bass-man9712


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I love you.