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#1
"Gay funerals" should be made illegal for three main reasons.

First of all, funerals are a holy institution between God, a heterosexual person, and his heterosexual friends and family members. Allowing a homosexual to have or attend a funeral is just plain heathenry.

Secondly, one of the more intelligent sheep might
make the connection that, "if a homosexual is allowed to have a funeral, then he should be allowed to marry." We cannot have this! Everything that we worked for would go down the drain.

Thirdly, and most importantly, this will help to show to the world that we old men in suits and ties (or priest garb) are not homosexuals!

Another thing that should now be brought to attention is Atheism. After the banning of homosexual marriages and funerals, the only logical step from there would be to ban Atheist marriages and funerals.

This will force the unbelievers to convert to our religion and become like us (at this point I would like to point out that those of other religions such as Taoism, Buddhism, and Judaism are counted as Atheists, since their religions are wrong), and this has been our goal all along.

Seeing as we are alike in every way, including appearance and personality, we are obviously resistant to change and different things, and so we must combat those
horrors.

As you may have guessed, this would lead to many unburied bodies, and that can't be sanitary; which brings me to my next point.

The bodies will removed in two ways.

The first, and probably most used method, would be to resort to another type of body disposal, most commonly used by Pagans and Jews: cremation. Obviously, the practicing of cremation will lead to the soul being damned to hell. With clever use of propaganda and fearmongering, this will lead to many converts to the Christian religion (and, as a result, more money for us in the form of donations).

The other method would be to use the bodies for more practical purposes. They could be chopped up and used as fertilizer, or to make food for dogs and the poor. Others would then view us in a more favorable light and give us even more power than before.

However, we must first determine one thing. Is the "gay" transmittable through consumption, direct or indirect?

Before writing this essay, I did a lot of research; mainly by watching TV late on Saturday nights and through other methods (which I shall spare you the details of). I have come to the conclusion that no, homosexuality is not transferred through consumption, nor it spread through contact.

There is only one way that I have discovered the "gay" to be caught: through reality television. This is why homosexuals are featured on nearly every reality television show; they're trying to spread their disease. This could be a good basis for the banning of reality TV, although that is another essay for another time.

In conclusion, homosexual marriage must be combatted with every possible resource. Doing so give us more wealth, power, and make us feel more secure in our heterosexuality. So I ask you: will you take up the good fight and do everything in your power to oppress those of different sexualities and religions?
#10
Wait, so you're telling me that instead of wearing a dark suit and tie...they now wear purple spandex with rainbow suspenders, wielding a sign saying "We're here, we're queer, GET USED TO IT!"

Because, what the hell...Gay people can have funerals however they want to. I don't even care to read your post for the sheer lack of brilliance in your title...how are they ANY different than regular funerals?


It has to be a joke. Has to be.
#11
This thread is SOOOOO gay.
“Just to sum up: I would do various things very quickly.” - Donald Trump
#13
Quote by ClaptonWannabe

I was just about to post that this topic might be a little too thought provoking for the pit...

I guess I was right?

However, on the issue... I don't think that there should be any reason to stop gay funerals now. While, I do highly agree that gays are being given too much power over the straight society, funerals should just be viewed as putting the souls of the dead to rest.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#14
Quote by genghisgandhi
umm, why?

I just do. I've tried hard not to, but I just can't not be against them.

Quote by RickAsstley
Reporting is an admission of your homosexuality.

Reporting = failing

Dude, I just told you I can't stand gay people.
#18
Quote by DragTheWaters11
I was just about to post that this topic might be a little too thought provoking for the pit...

I guess I was right?

However, on the issue... I don't think that there should be any reason to stop gay funerals now. While, I do highly agree that gays are being given too much power over the straight society, funerals should just be viewed as putting the souls of the dead to rest.


-Troll expert-

OP is suggesting burning gay people.

-Troll evaluation progress.....35%.....50%.......90%.......-

-Troll evaluation complete-

-Troll = confirmed-
#19
*reported*

Due to the sheer amount of idiocy that post radiated.

My things:
Bowes SLx7
Washburn WG587
Washburn X40Pro
Washburn X50
Washburn HM24
Washburn WR150
Laguna LE200s
Arietta Acoustic
First Act
Valveking 112
VHT Deliverance

#21
Whatever you say RickAsstley Join Date NOVEMBER 09.

Gotta try harder than that boy

Gear:
Jackson Dinky DK2L
Epiphone LP Standard
Yamaha Acoustic
Bugera 1990 w/ Peavey 2x12 cab
#22
Quote by ClaptonWannabe
-Troll expert-

OP is suggesting burning gay people.

-Troll evaluation progress.....35%.....50%.......90%.......-

-Troll evaluation complete-

-Troll = confirmed-

Of all the posts, why did you have to choose mine?

And of course, yes, he is a troll.. but there could really be a thought provoking debate about this.. on a different website, and more mature forum of course.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#24
Just because I just joined doesn't make me any less intelligent than you. It just means I've spent less of my time on this place.
#26
I'm against gay marriages and the what not, but this is as about as narrow-minded as you can get
#28
just one thing............


...


...




(you dont deserve full lol stack!!)
i think we either have a closet gay here or an unbelievable troll!!!
Last edited by funny_page at Nov 8, 2009,
#29
Well, that's how I've been taught. I don't know about you baby-killing, Jesus-hating atheists, but those are my values.

I don't want those gays here.
#30
Quote by RickAsstley
Just because I just joined doesn't make me any less intelligent than you. It just means I've spent less of my time on this place.

I actually find your original post to be rather put together. Sounded like you put some thought into it.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#31
Quote by RickAsstley
Just because I just joined doesn't make me any less intelligent than you. It just means I've spent less of my time on this place.


The fact that you have no rational or logical explanations to back up any of your claims is what makes us think and know you're a troll. And an idiot on that note.

They're people whether you'd like it or not, people that are actually like you in real life are the ones who need to be burned for misinterpreting the bible, which if interpreted correctly actually shows the idiocy of what youre saying.

My things:
Bowes SLx7
Washburn WG587
Washburn X40Pro
Washburn X50
Washburn HM24
Washburn WR150
Laguna LE200s
Arietta Acoustic
First Act
Valveking 112
VHT Deliverance

#32
Judging from the first sentence, I'd say this is a rather dull troll.

*reported*
#33
Quote by RickAsstley
Looks like when The Pit gets thought-provoking topic, they report it.


Nah, unless by "thought provoking" you mean "Christian Fundie spewing hatespeech because he's afraid his imaginary God will find out he likes a little bit of man-love."
Gear:
08' Gibson Les Paul Studio
Peavey Valveking 112 w/ Vintage 30
Peavy Vypyr 15 watt
MXR 10 Band EQ
MXR EVH Phase 90
Boss DS-1
Dunlop 535Q Wah

Death to all butt metal.
#34
If you are so religious, then you have read the bible. Anyone who has read the bible know that Jesus loves all people, EVEN GAYS. I believe in christianity and was even a Republican for a time and even i know that you are F*cked in the head. Congrats on getting attention, 'cause that's what you got. prick
#35
Quote by genghisgandhi
Its hard to take you seriously with the word "ass" in your name


It's hard to take gay "rights" seriously, too.
#37
Mildly amusing idea, but as a troll attempt it's a bit obvious. 3/10.
I'LL PUNCH A DONKEY IN THE STREETS OF GALWAY
#38
Quote by RickAsstley
Well, that's how I've been taught. I don't know about you baby-killing, Jesus-hating atheists, but those are my values.

I don't want those gays here.

Agnostic, thank you very much, and I actually get the sense that UG is anti-abortionist.

Your pretty obviously a troll because of your meme-ish username
#39
Quote by valennic
The fact that you have no rational or logical explanations to back up any of your claims is what makes us think and know you're a troll. And an idiot on that note.

They're people whether you'd like it or not, people that are actually like you in real life are the ones who need to be burned for misinterpreting the bible, which if interpreted correctly actually shows the idiocy of what youre saying.

Irrational and illogical by your standards, yes, and idiotic too. However, if you look at it from the outside without any sort of biased look... I.E.... put on your "red tinted" sunglasses and his "blue tinted" sunglasses and see purple (no pun intended). He actually does have a logical and rational explanation based on his beliefs... they're just not ethical.
There will be zero tolerance
For the creator of hallowed intentions
There will be zero tolerance
Fate is your deciding God
#40
Not cool. Just cause you dont agree with their orientation doesnt mean you gotta disrespect their deaths. Btw you just started a flame war.

PS: I'll be sure to spit on your grave, see how you like it.