#1
basically im writing my girlfriend a song and want to play and sing it to her. i dont have a good voice at all, any tips to make my singing passable

I have a low monotonous-type of voice haha
#4
Just start yelling at her about her role in the Watergate scandal and then smash your guitar

Then get up and leave
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#8
If you are completely tone deaf and you have a shitty voice (like me) and you dont have months/years to practice, this is what you need:

The corners of your mouth feel dry and rather itchy, don't they?

(oh god, I just noticed this one) Your penis is never quite comfortable in its current position.

oh btw:
manual blinking activated