#1
Another day
Gaze to the hollow sunrise
Only the thought of you
Keeps me from the edge

I stand alone
But you're still waiting for me
The rain won't wash away the pain

Just say we'll stay together
I need you here
Inside I'm dying

What would I do
If I saw you walk away?
Comprehending losing you
The worst day of my life

Someday I'll find you
And fill the void
The void inside my empty heart

Just say we'll stay together
I need you here
Inside I'm dying

Will I ever hold you?
Or hear your voice?
Will I see you again?

Can I show you love?
Or the emotions I feel?
Can I make a difference?

Tell me it's all untruth
Tell me I'm wrong
Few thoughtless words are spoken
Across the distance

One thousand miles
Yet far from separated
Inside your heart I reside

Just say we'll stay together
I need you here
Inside I'm dying

Just say we'll stay together
I need you here
Inside I'm dying

-------------------------------------------------

Okay, there's a little bit of a backstory here. Recently I was talking to my girlfriend over MSN (She lives in Paisley), and she was feeling seriously down on life. What ensued was an argument about how she didn't really believe what I'd been telling her the past few months, but after about an hour or so, and both of us breaking down to tears, we managed to make up again. I decided to write this to show her how I felt about her, and how much she means to me.

No music as of yet, but I've got maybe a KSE style sound in mind to it. Most of it's supposed to be screamed, apart from a few bits. Hope you guys like it, and maybe you could give me some ideas on how to improve. =)
#2
i love these lyrics, its ture you can only right good lyrics, if they are based on something true, something that has happened. thanks so much for sharing with us
#3
One of the best things about writing is how it can serve as a release and how it can be an extension of ourselves and our feelings. It's awesome that you are expressing yourself through your lyrics and music and there were many places where I thought this piece shined. For example, the first verse was great and cast a vivid image in my mind.

Now for some suggestions (bear in mind that this is solely my opinion). I think you need to make these lyrics more concise and structured. Revolve them either around a certain metaphor or image because, right now, there are a lot of vague and borderline cliche lines. The problem with cliches is that the emotion that is behind those words is not felt by the reader because we can't distinguish them from the countless other times in which we've read that same cliche. In other words, being original is extremely important because that is only when the reader can feel you on a level which they've never been before. I would go back through these lyrics and really ruminate on how you feel about the situation. Don't write the first thing that comes to mind; really reflect upon it, conjure up images in your head and begin the process of verbalizing it and articulating it. Because when you write lines like "Inside I'm dying" or "the rain won't wash away the pain", I as a reader am unable to connect with you and the emotions that you feel about the situation.

I would also consider incorporating a basic rhyme scheme in order to get a little rhythm to the piece but that's altogether not that important.

Lastly, I think you should keep the first verse and continue writing in that same vein of incorporating good imagery and original ideas. I don't doubt that you feel a lot about the situation and that you have a lot of emotions behind it, however I really hope you go back and rewrite this song so that I can feel them with you. That's another beautiful thing about writing, that momentary connection between two strangers through words written on a page.

Keep writing! Best of luck
here, My Dear, here it is
#4
This is one of those more "beautiful" songs. I envy the man that can write one of these, because my first was one, but since then all I've been able to write are dark lyrics that I cover up with spritely beats.

My one complaint is that the stanzas feel a bit short and plentiful. I feel as if the lyrics don't have much time to feel developed, as just when it seems to get "into" a stanza, the next stanza starts. So honestly, I think my only real advice that I can give you is to merge stanzas together. It'll help you out when you make the music for the song, because the beat jumping too much to something else might get a tad irritating.