#1
Okay, so heres a song I wrote about a girl I cant have, tell me what you think

If I could rip my heart out
Ide trust it with you
despite this bitter truth I know
There is no one better than you

The way you flipp your hair
makes me stop and stair
the things you do to me make me beg and plea

You are a girl worth fighting for
Though Like fire on an open soar
The great pain this battle brings
But Ill fight hard for your lovings
Like a faceless soldier in the mist
Youd skip my name on a deadlist
You are the cause that I fight for
This grotesk pain Ill hide some more

When we exchange glances
You think its as friends
But I cannot hide this pain
I need to tell you how I feel

When I release this burdon
This song will be complete
I write this for you now
with all the love I have to give

You are a girl worth fighting for
Though Like fire on an open soar
The great pain this battle brings
But Ill fight hard for your lovings
Like a faceless soldier in the mist
Youd skip my name on a deadlist
You are the cause that I fight for
This grotesk pain Ill hide some more


Leave me some critiques everyone
#2
Looks good.....
(But then again I'm not a good critique)
(Oh, and you spelt 'stair' wrong its STARE)
Last edited by cortezio at Nov 9, 2009,
#3
Thank you, ehh Im not the best spellier, and the computer I used to post this did not have spell check, but Ill work on the spelling next time