#1
Bozk Môj Riť

Foot stooped in a sallow snow, across the street
from Meadow Grove; belong in the park
at the right time of the year, and it seemed
like maybe we were alright from here. Piss take
in the back of your parent's paid dorm, left a length
for the door to swing and your match to fall. Parents
found out you smoke, blame it on me and tell me how
to forget the rest. I don't want to be your Russian Bride anymore,
only the guy left in line before the teller that would get robbed and shot.
so the that grass grew eight hundred miles away, left
the convicts inside of me -- back at the University
of Milwaukee.
Bus from your place back to mine, longing for our
unused time; and now I look out past my city,
longing for you.
So slept oddly for two months with another girl, just
as pretty. Never related to the people with a lot to learn
and I don't want to let my stomach feel right; because
I have no appetite.

Unable to recycle with a green bin or the right garbage
pale, and I still don't have the dumpster to store her in,
so I guess that she is going to get stale-;
Turn, turn, turn, turn, back to where you came from;
in a hole, or a cave, where I go and can make mistakes,
I wish I couldn't go to sleep so I could stay up late, but I
can't wait for the figure eight
to draw itself again.
I don't have the same eyes, or the same hair,
that I did when I had the same love for her,
and If I move right now, I'll lose it all, back to a jealous
man, or a ugly man, and everyone will see what I left
her for, or what I was broken up for.
If I move right now, I might never make it back,
so---take this for me,
take it for me and dump it in to the trash can,
dump it in the trash can and take it from me
again, and dump it in the trash can, dump it
in the trash can.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
Last edited by Something_Vague at Nov 9, 2009,
#2
Not much to say, man. The line "to draw itself again" might be better if you just infused it with the line before it. I didn't like the stale/pale rhyme, I mean it fit but...I'm not sure. It just kinda stood out.

Great.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black