#1
C4C

Some of it may not make sense unless you get the references.

Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you blew;
I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.


I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't mind if you blew;
I don't mind if you lose.
I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you breathe.

I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.
#2
Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.

The first two lines are fantastic! Intriguing and also rather eerie. There's not much wrong with the next two lines, however I'm not a fan of the way you rhymed "smooth" and "soothe"

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

Love it, some really great imagery here

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

For me, the sense of repetition for each line could go either way. If you have a decent melody, it will really help to reinforce your point. However, if it's nothing inspired, it might seem a bit lazy...

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.

No gripes here, some great visceral word choice.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you blew;
I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't mind if you blew;
I don't mind if you lose.
I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you breathe.

I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

Once again, with this whole section, I can't give a decent opinion until I hear the music. Do you have an MP3 I could listen to and then decide?

Overall, I think this shows a lot of promise. You clearly know how to use imagery effectively and I love the title! I'm still unsure about whether the repetition will help or hinder your song though. Take a look at my newest song, Champagne Stars, it would be great if you could give it a critique
#3
Quote by Gord_90
Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.

The first two lines are fantastic! Intriguing and also rather eerie. There's not much wrong with the next two lines, however I'm not a fan of the way you rhymed "smooth" and "soothe"

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

Love it, some really great imagery here

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

For me, the sense of repetition for each line could go either way. If you have a decent melody, it will really help to reinforce your point. However, if it's nothing inspired, it might seem a bit lazy...

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.

No gripes here, some great visceral word choice.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you blew;
I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't mind if you blew;
I don't mind if you lose.
I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you breathe.

I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

Once again, with this whole section, I can't give a decent opinion until I hear the music. Do you have an MP3 I could listen to and then decide?

Overall, I think this shows a lot of promise. You clearly know how to use imagery effectively and I love the title! I'm still unsure about whether the repetition will help or hinder your song though. Take a look at my newest song, Champagne Stars, it would be great if you could give it a critique
The "I don't care" parts were actually written entirely based on two things; the melody, and the reference, which made up part of the title. I'm in my Computer 1 class right now, and have to get back to work; I should be able to crit yours around 8 or 9 tonight (it's 2:41 here right now, in case of time zone difference).
#4
Nice song.
Not really sure how the beat's working out, though.
A rhythm seems to fit perfectly with one line, then a different one the next. N fiow, I'm not an expert rhythmologist(also known as drummer:p), but can you send me an MP3 file thing or whatever it is you send by e-mail to me in, I don't know, an e-mail? I thyall inthpect it immediately.
Oh, the Irish Empire! You mean you haven't heard? Ireland's taking over the world! You still haven't heard? Oh, well, it's coming anyway.
#5
To those of you who want to hear the music, if you have Guitar Pro, I could show you the rough draft of it.
#6
I accept with information:The "I don't care" parts were actually written entirely based on two things; the melody, and the reference, which made up part of the title.
#8
Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

--
This is absolutely brilliant. The lyrics, while using art, metaphors and big words, are not pretentious, but are vivid and articulate. The only thing I would change is "illustrate". Maybe find a better word there. But wow, what a way to start a song, no?
--

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.
--
Nice contrast to the previous two verses. I like the last line.
--

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.
--
Nice.
--

Overall, 9/10. Very, very good.
#9
I actually like this a lot!
Great job.
In your other songs lyrics, I said how it seemed like poetry, and even though this is kind of written in the same style, I like how you did it. Not how I personally write, but I do like it.
#10
Quote by herby190
C4C

Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.
First two lines are brilliant. The next two seem to feel like they pale in comparison to it, but still work. I'll echo previous sentiments of the fact that I don't like the rhyme of smooth and soothe though

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.
I love this. Perfect. Nothing wrong

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.
It's a bit of a change from the previous two stanzas but I like the mood that it brings about

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.
These four lines flow together very well. That's all I've got to say about this one

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you blew;
I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.
I don't like this one as much as the other group of "I don't care"'s but it may be because of the "reference" you spoke of that I don't get


I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't mind if you blew;
I don't mind if you lose.
I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you breathe.

I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.


All in all I like it. I feel that I can connect with the writer through this piece and that is what I search for in something like this. Great job.

c4c?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1245315
#11
Cool.. Fun.
Oh, the Irish Empire! You mean you haven't heard? Ireland's taking over the world! You still haven't heard? Oh, well, it's coming anyway.
#12
Quote by herby190
C4C

Some of it may not make sense unless you get the references.

Made of plastic, with painted doll eyes;
drawn with care not to blink when they lie.
Pseudo-silk still feels so smooth;
and when it's worn, it tends to soothe.

I don't like the last line of this personally. It just doesn't feel right when I read it although in the song you may sing it so it fits but I just think "And when it's worn it soothes" is better.

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

i like.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die.
Pretty extreme at the end with the whole let it bleed let it die thing. IT sounds a bit too harsh but this really is a good verse

The real picture's sad but true;
it was painted in Van Gogh's blues.
Shades of red, to illustrate rage;
mix into purple, then fade into gray.

I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't care if you blew;
I don't care what you do.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.


I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you can breathe.
I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.

I don't mind if you blew;
I don't mind if you lose.
I don't care if you leave;
I don't care if you breathe.

I don't care if you go;
I don't care 'cause I don't know.


I am assuming the I don't care repetition is a large part of the song so thats fine if used right in a song. But yeah, overall a very good piece.

will you crit mine? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...d.php?t=1289023
#13
Sorry, I may return for the crit or I may not depending on my schedule later but this is about Nirvana/Kurt isn't it? First off Seattle is in the title then theres reference to Hole with dolls and such and the lies were Courtney's. Then you threw in Blew at the end. A dead give away for a big fan
#14
I enjoyed all of this piece except for this stanza:

"Don't you ask me again;
I've answered once now that's the end.
Don't question how, don't question why;
just let it bleed, just let it die."


It's painfully cliche and the rhymes seem forced. This part just sticks out like a sore thumb for me because it's no where near as good as the other stanzas.
This choice is passion, this path is tension.
#15
I'm rather surprised do see people critting this; as much as I appreciate it, I'm going to have to change my sig, because I've got other stuff that needs opinions too!

Quote by muel333
Sorry, I may return for the crit or I may not depending on my schedule later but this is about Nirvana/Kurt isn't it? First off Seattle is in the title then theres reference to Hole with dolls and such and the lies were Courtney's. Then you threw in Blew at the end. A dead give away for a big fan
Well, yes and no. Seattle is in the title because it is a Nirvana reference, and I'm glad to see somebody else has heard their album Bleach; all of the "I don't care" parts are based off the song Blew, as you pointed out (I can't believe it took this long for this to be pointed out!).

The only thing that's wrong is the verses. The first two stanzas were actually written about my first day of high school; I had just moved to a new town, and didn't know anybody. As I was waiting for my ride home, I was sitting next to these girls, who were just blatantly cutting somebody down verbally, behind their back. You could tell that they were going to greet the person the same whenever they saw them, and never would tell them about it. And then, they went back to talking about church; the irony of the situation basically forced me to write.

The stanza "don't you ask me again....." was written about a relationship I was in close to two years ago, and that situation is rather difficult to explain.