#1
Been a while, but I've got some stuff that has no band now so, might as well show it off
I won't offer C4C, not 'cause I'm a douche, but because I'm amazingly lazy and don't think it's fair to offer something I probs won't deliver on.

Song is called Mastodon of Obsolescence: A Modern Day Persepolis. Won't bother with lyrics Was listening to lots of The Faceless, Between The Buried And Me, The Breathing Process, Whitechapel and Painted In Exile. First real attempt at this sort of style so I would really appreciated some feedback.

Thanks in advance.

edit: Got rid of the tags and fixed the chorus.
Last edited by Magero at Nov 12, 2009,
#4
it's shit and you suck. you should just kill yourself!
"We carry death out of the village!"
#5
Quote by Marskell
it's shit and you suck. you should just kill yourself!

Hi Marshall
Quote by lazy town
is this possible to play on guitar?

I can and I'm a bassist
#6
For what it's worth, I enjoyed it, and I usually hate deathcore

You write some nice melodies dude, I really enjoyed the chord piece at 0:50-ish (listening to the midi file)

If you went a little less breakdowny, I'd probably like it a lot more.. But knowing you, you probably wont

The acoustic interludes and stuff fits nicely, without getting incoherent, good job

A tad too long perhaps.. Or maybe thats just because of the midiness of it
#7
Listening to the GP file... I might actually try and have a go at this for bass because I want to get better at playing things of this style.

Plus I have a 5 string so I can keep most of my strings in standard
#8
The bass is probably a bit skewed with the fretting because it used to be in Drop D for my old band but then I split so now it's in a good tuning
#9
Better than 70% of deathcore you hear these days. I hated part 37-44!
44-60 was bad too.
Alot brutal parts that I enjoy to listen. I don't like tritone used on breakdown parts.
Acoustic part(s) are/is cool .
#10
Only part a really didn't like was the verse... sorry but it just sounded like a mess to me.

The chorus however, is epic.

Edit:

I don't like how you just name riffs after the bands you used the style of.

Now I just think you ripped of Whitechapel, BTBAM and The Faceless
All I want is for everyone to go to hell...
...It's the last place I was seen before I lost myself



Quote by DisarmGoliath
You can be the deputy llamma of the recordings forum!
Last edited by ChemicalFire at Nov 11, 2009,
#11
I'm not going to give a detailed crit, but I'll tell you this piece is amazing.

The breakdown at bar 21 was crazy.

Bars 45-60 didn't really interest me, but wasn't bad.

The ending reminded me of The Impaler by Winds of Plagues.

9/10
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#12
Quote by ChemicalFire
Only part a really didn't like was the verse... sorry but it just sounded like a mess to me.

The chorus however, is epic.

Edit:

I don't like how you just name riffs after the bands you used the style of.

Now I just think you ripped of Whitechapel, BTBAM and The Faceless

Lol, those tags were there for my band to follow. So when we rehearsed it, I could just say "Ok, start from _____".
#18
very good. bass and guitar work really well together. record it!

some parts of this could work really well for an aPaS song, too.
#19
Nah, definately won't be APAS. I'm not good enough to play guitar for this
I can just get by as it is. Probs start a new band to play bass in, play Painted In Exile style prog death/core.
#20
Ahem. Before I begin: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1229968

It suck big ***gy, core-*** dick.

But seriously...

I found the first two bars to be a tad redundant.
The Next riff is good. Nothing to complain about here. Except maybe the drums. I'm not a fan at all of the off-beat blast beats, you know with the snare on every second 16th.
The riff at bar 11 was sweet, and made even better with the change of pace on the next 2 repeats.
21-28 was alright. Good, considering I'm not a core fan.
29-36 didn't keep me entertained much at all. But like the riff at bar 11, it was made better with the variation on the repeats.
my favourite bits in 45-60 were the brakdown bits.
The clean bit was good, it just wasn't great.
119-134 was pretty good, but not as good as the rest of the riffs.
The 12/8 section is pretty sweet.
interesting solo. Not totally wanky like you'd expect from this genre.
Everything after this (apart from the blast beats) reminded me of nevermore somewhat. Which is definitely a good thing.

Shit, that was long. You'd better say as much about mine.

EDIT: crap, you beat me.

And, in all of this I think I forgot to mention I liked it.

Good work.
Last edited by Butt Rayge at Nov 13, 2009,
#21
From my limited experience of these things, the breakdowny bits were pretty cool. I have to say bar 21 is a massive ripoff of Possessions by Whitechapel, haha. Particularly like bar 29. I like the shift back into distorted guitars at bar 101/2, the high note is a good move.
#22
The Possession riff rules
I wanted to rip it off, but in a way only I could figure out. And I suck, so that's how it came out. The Possession one is much better
#23
Quote by Marskell
it's shit and you suck. you should just kill yourself!


this
"We carry death out of the village!"
#24
Quote by Marskell
it's shit and you suck. you should just kill yourself!

I actually agree but that is because I hate all prog so I guess my opinion doesn't really matter.
#26
Quote by Magero
Got one thing right
haha he's saying your opinion doesn't matter, that tickled me quite a lot. but yeah I dug this a lot. I'd listen to it if you ever got it recorded. Got a bit lengthy but vocals/not midi should fix that. Good stuff though!
#27
Quote by Magero
Got one thing right

Yea the fact that all prog blows.
#29
That was awesome! reminded me of sikth. Bar 3-10 is just totally rad man!
#32
Quote by Marskell
this

Quote by DudE132
I actually agree but that is because I hate all prog so I guess my opinion doesn't really matter.

The difference between these two?

One of them was joking.
#33
awww you see. Rayge gets me, he does.....

you do Rayge!!!
"We carry death out of the village!"
#34
Quote by huevos


Doesn't that violate all the laws of thermodynamics?

"...and this perpetual motion machine she built just keeps going faster and faster... In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
#36
-First few riffs seemed a little wanky to me. Maybe I've just grown out of the whole trying to be super fast and technical stuff
-bar 21 that part was pretty cool, I liked the sweeps and the chugga chuggas fit too.
-bar 29 seems strange at first, but after it repeated I got used to it, pretty cool chord progressions there
-bar 37 it's alright, didn't bother me, but I didn't think it was that good either. seems like sort of just a filler part
-bar 48 this part was pretty cool, I liked it
-liked the clean part a lot, it sounds pretty neat and trippy, but looks like it the fingering would be hard to play and keep all the notes ringing as well
-bar 119 this was sick, really reminded me of the Faceless.
-riff 142 nice build up here, it was pretty cool
-159 also cool stuff, I liked it.
ending was cool. it felt like on the second repeat you should have the empty bar 164, but go straight from 163 to 167

pretty cool stuff bro
Free your mind and your ass will follow
The kingdom of heaven is within
Open up your funky mind and you can fly

Sumdeus
#37
Quote by huevos


Doesn't that violate all the laws of thermodynamics?


I was just saying that because you shouldn't be able to quote yourself. It's like dividing by 0.



I panicked at first, but then I realized I hit the edit button.

Brb, making brootals for breakfast.


EDiT:
Why the **** is there Weezer in my Russian Circles channel?
I love me some Weezer, but they aren't close to post/experimental metal. I should probably stop raeping fsyics and such.

EDIT2: Just noticed that Weezer is on the front page of UG.
Coincidence, yes, but awesome nonetheless.
Last edited by huevos at Nov 16, 2009,
#38
Bar 77: I kept thinking: "This'll break into a harmony and it'll sound really cool. "

But the harmony never came...