#1
trying something different, i think. nothing serious. ots. c4c.

the chains you carried from france
now lay in rusts on ocean floors
the sky has always been above
but sun did never wish good luck

two ghost behind old basement doors
can now be seen outside their dreams
and anyone with curious ears
can hear the ancient choir sing

a wedding ring in cashier hands
a case of not acknowleding death
let's talk about dear innocence
(store credit works in its strange ways)

correspondance wet from rain/
a flower base of paper roses
now exposed as fossils pieces
inside the walls of haunted closets.

strange child remember november
the danger of being absent forever
a noose around a zombie's calendar
oh farce! - we laugh & run together.
Last edited by cubs at Nov 12, 2009,
#2
but sun did never said good luck

two ghost behind old basement doors

now exposed as fossils pieces

Yuck. It's just not, well nice or correctly worded and it put me off throughout the entire piece, man.

IDk, this just felt laboured and unloved from the beginning. Also that it had no sense it where it was going, let alone where it began.

Which left me pretty detached and put off by the whole experience, in all honesty.

Meh, maybe next time. Have a nice day cubs.

(Why don't I know your name?)
#3
yeah, i agree. this was more of an exercise, really. i've been trying new things lately. maybe next time. thanks for getting to this, leave links, bro. name's allen