#1
There was a time when life and death
seemed no more different than Coke and Pepsi
to me, the lonely socialite.
Euphoria capsules and agave juice
made the warmest cocktail
and instead of cigarettes I had tears.

There was a time when I thought this was love
and the uncertainty of thought consumed
me, the man of two minds.
High enough to fly and fall,
cold enough to break,
knowing left me nowhere.

There was a time that ripped my soul,
and love poured out like a handle in my mother's
hands, emptied over the sink.
I’ve lived through these times in wonder
of my failure to fail. Everyday,
I thank someone for this life no one would take
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Nov 12, 2009,
#2
Nice little turn at the end. I like the intent behind that last line. I'd take out the Coke and Pepsi part. It's just too banal and prosaic (no pun intended) for the profundity you're going for here. I'd also be careful of lines that reveal too much to seem desperate. Lines that scream "I want you to know that I'm hurting really, really badly." I feel like the title line is a little that way. You've got something good here, though.

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1229526
#3
There was a time when life and death
seemed no more different than Coke and Pepsi
to me, the lonely socialite.
Euphoria capsules and agave juice
made the warmest cocktail
and instead of cigarettes I had tears.

I liked the idea you were going for with the first 2 lines but I'm not sure about the Coke and Pepsi reference. I think it could be phrased in a much better way. "lonely socialite" is great, I really enjoyed that line I can't see much that could be improved here to be honest, strong opening.

There was a time when I thought this was love
and the uncertainty of thought consumed
me, the man of two minds.
High enough to fly and fall,
cold enough to break,
knowing left me nowhere.

Excellent stanza. The repetition in the 4th and 5th lines is pretty powerful.

There was a time that ripped my soul,
and love poured out like a handle in my mother's
hands, emptied over the sink.
I’ve lived through these times in wonder
of my failure to fail. Everyday,
I thank someone for this life no one would take

I really don't like the first line of this stanza. It sounds really clumsy to me. I can't put my finger on what exactly bugs me about it though, sorry... The ending was very clever, loved it.

Overall, I think you have a really strong piece here. This made it really hard for me to critique, as there is little I would change! C4C on Champagne Stars? Link's in the sig.