#1
Ok, so today I walk into my writing class and hand in my finally completed ten page paper. Anyway, my teacher then tells us that our next assignment, is to write an article for the onion (also I didn't know this, but they operate here in boulder, seriously just right over there).

If you don't know what the onion is, then you haven't been on the internet long enough

http://www.theonion.com/content/index

http://www.youtube.com/user/theonion?blend=1&ob=4


ANYWAY we are supposed to stay with the topic we used for our last project which was a case study. Mine was on whether or not things like television, movies, music and video games actually cause violence in our nations youth.

So yeah, I'm supposed to keep that same topic and write an article for the onion about it. It can be as creative or as funny as I want it to be, there are really no restraints here. Though I do want to keep it funny obviously.

So yeah, any suggestions on where to go with this? Like maybe a story I can write about or maybe just a small issue that I should bring up (for humor sake of course).

I'm thinking something along the lines of
"Kids learn to kill from Grand Theft Auto"

so yeah, help me out pit. Oh and if this wasn't obvious already, I can't take anything from any other onion videos, this has to be original.
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#2
apparently the onion is the finest news source around....
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#3
Well obviously then it should be easy.

Just write about how some new video game teaches kids how to make bombs, strap them to their chests, then blow themselves up at the weakest point in a very large building's structure.

And how since this game's release, there have been suicide bombings popping up over the nation.


It really isn't that hard to make something up for the Onion.
#4
Quote by archangels666
Well obviously then it should be easy.

Just write about how some new video game teaches kids how to make bombs, strap them to their chests, then blow themselves up at the weakest point in a very large building's structure.

And how since this game's release, there have been suicide bombings popping up over the nation.


It really isn't that hard to make something up for the Onion.


I didn't say it was gonna be hard. I just though the pit would come up with some humorous stuff to throw in there as well as what I have planned.
VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#5
Just blame everything bad that ever happens on Marilyn Manson. 'Tis the cool thing to do when talking about media violence affecting children.
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#6
Quote by RazorTheAwesome
(also I didn't know this, but they operate here in boulder, seriously just right over there).


Actually, it started here in Madison... Wisconsin FTW!
UG POKER!
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Shit, I'm so pathetic.

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Crabcore?

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#10
Quote by i_killed_bill
"Guitar hero is teaching our kids to do drugs and bang groupies"


No not really.
#12
Quote by ikitson
No not really.

*sigh*

Satire –noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
#13
Quote by i_killed_bill
*sigh*

Satire –noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.


Honest to god i have no idea what this thread is about i just saw onion in the name and went on posting my lovely onion knights.

Also i thought i was posting my 2nd reply on another thread.
Last edited by ikitson at Nov 12, 2009,
#14
Quote by ikitson
Honest to god i have no idea what this thread is about i just saw onion in the name and went on posting my lovely onion knights.

Also i thought i was posting my 2nd reply on another thread.

Oh, ok. Carry on then
#15
How exactly do kids learn how to kill from gta?
It's not like it tells kids how to actually hold a real gun and aim it at random strangers.
#16
Quote by The_Casinator
How exactly do kids learn how to kill from gta?
It's not like it tells kids how to actually hold a real gun and aim it at random strangers.


No but i remember playing GTA 3 when i was like 12 and i felt like doing that :P
#17
How about... "talking stereo-system teaches children to shoot their parents"?
Yours sincerely,

bobwentpop, UG's favourite spontaneous combustion victim.
#18
"Soul-crushingly dull new Tiger Woods game drives teenagers to kill"
or
"Darts game turned my son into Jocky Wilson."
"If God exists, there's no way he is French" - Andrea Pirlo

S A D B O Y S
Last edited by I.O.T.M at Nov 12, 2009,
#20
I looove the onion.

Anyways, i like the idea about the boring video games causing violence thing.
Maybe something like "Study shows that video games with less violence cause children to want to commit more violence"

And do a couple of mock interviews with kids that got really bored playing golf or something and then went and killed their dog.
#22
Quote by RazorTheAwesome


ANYWAY we are supposed to stay with the topic we used for our last project which was a case study. Mine was on whether or not things like television, movies, music and video games actually cause violence in our nations youth.

So yeah, I'm supposed to keep that same topic and write an article for the onion about it. It can be as creative or as funny as I want it to be, there are really no restraints here. Though I do want to keep it funny obviously.




Jack Thompson was in shock today when he found out some GTA-playing teenagers don't murder their families.

"It's just so unexpected," a visibly flustered Jack muttered today. "It changes everything. Here I am, telling every prostitute to run the fuck away from everyone who looks like a nerd, and suddenly it's not true?"


Other headlines this week:


  • Modern Warfare 2 leads to sudden hike in airport massacres
  • Literary critic anger at Cthulu presence in Scribblenauts leading to people actually liking Lovecraft
  • Evidence of Pope being a Catholic stronger than ever



/shameless Private Eye ripoff.
Last edited by webbtje at Nov 12, 2009,
#24
Quote by Mr. B
I looove the onion.

Anyways, i like the idea about the boring video games causing violence thing.
Maybe something like "Study shows that video games with less violence cause children to want to commit more violence"

And do a couple of mock interviews with kids that got really bored playing golf or something and then went and killed their dog.


VERY METAL!
\m/
RIP Ronnie James Dio

Quote by metaldud536
RazorTheAwesome, if I was a Ditto, I'd transform into YOU

Quote by Kensai
Basically god wanted to punish people for getting educated/eating apples.

Quote by Jackal58
We all desire a little pussy.
#25
'Mum buys child GTA and ISN'T murdered'
'Viking Metal causing an increase in rape, pillaging and murders'
'Suicidal parent sues Rockstar Games after buying GTA for her son and not getting killed.'
hello
Last edited by opc100 at Nov 12, 2009,