#1
Hi, i'd really appreciate some feedback on this...


I will dig my own grave
but i cant bury myself
something i knew you would care for
i scream out loud but have no faith

Do you ever feel like time has run out
that love wont find you unless you run away
something that always creeps up on you
i think that time is running out

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here

I look left when i cross the road
just to feel the danger that comes
maybe then i will value life today
and stop giving my heart away to strangers

cause you have my heart in your hands
and you have crawled into my head
stroke my heart and i will live
crush it till its blue and i suffocate

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here

do you ever look left?
is our time over?
will you bury me?
will you ever leave my heart?

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here
#2
I will dig my own grave
but i cant bury myself
something i knew you would care for
i scream out loud but have no faith

Strong opening, there is little I would change here.

Do you ever feel like time has run out
that love wont find you unless you run away
something that always creeps up on you
i think that time is running out

You could change the second line to improve flow, as it currently feels a bit clumsy. Maybe "Love will find you if you run away" - removing the negative makes it easier to understand. You're just repeating yourself in the last line, instead use it to add some imagery!

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here

The second line is awfully clumsy. It would sound better as "But I know that it's directed." In the 3rd line, of should be replaced by for. The last line just does not make sense... too many negatives.

I look left when i cross the road
just to feel the danger that comes
maybe then i will value life today
and stop giving my heart away to strangers

This is a pretty good stanza I liked the last line.


cause you have my heart in your hands
and you have crawled into my head
stroke my heart and i will live
crush it till its blue and i suffocate

I don't think you need the "cause" at the start of the first line. Apart from that, this seems good.

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here

do you ever look left?
is our time over?
will you bury me?
will you ever leave my heart?

Love it, I'm guessing this is your bridge? If so I really want to hear this song, I bet this part sounds fantastic! Change nothing here.

I dont know what im trying to say in this
but what i know is that its directed
theres no excuse of what you have done
you have no will to not be here

Overall, I think this piece has some promise, especially what I'm assuming is the bridge. You just have to watch those negatives Can you crit my latest piece, Champagne Stars in return? Link is in my sig. Cheers!