#1
Oh darling, I can see it, you're depressed, it's in your step, you've forgot what life can offer you, I'd loved to help, so don't refuse. Just accept, accept that you're parents made mistakes, accept that your siblings were locked away and start to appreciate, appreciate that your young and here you stand, pretty with life in your hands.
Love you need to wake up
Release what your hanging onto
Things will start looking up
Value the life, that is you.
Oh love I'll have to wake up and start looking up. I want so much more in life. I want to earn my time. I was lost, confused, didn't know what to do. But you helped salvage my past. Thanks to you, I'm gonna make this smile last.
Last edited by chaoskids at Nov 12, 2009,
#2
Pretty cool lyrics, but reading that in that paragraph type of form feels a bit annoying. I'm not quite sure where the verse ends and the chorus begins, or if this whole thing is perhaps the verse and a sample of what might become a longer song.

Also, I think you used the wrong "your" in your title. It seems correct to say "Your Song", rather than "You're Song", which is like "You Are Song".

My advice to you is to fix the organization of you're post a bit. It kinda confused me.
#3
I tried to edit the title as soon as i posted it but for some reason it wont show up. Here is a better format.

(Verse 1)
Oh darling, I can see it, you're depressed,
it's in your step, you've forgot what life can offer you,
I'd loved to help, so don't refuse.
Just accept that you're parents made mistakes,
accept that your siblings were locked away
and start to appreciate that your young and here you stand
pretty with life in your hands.

(Chorus)
Love you need to wake up
Release what your hanging onto
Things will start looking up
Value the life, that is you.

(Verse 2)
Oh love I'll have to wake up and start looking up.
I want so much more in life. I want to earn my time.
I was lost, confused, didn't know what to do.
But you helped salvage my past.
Thanks to you, I'm gonna make this smile last.
Last edited by chaoskids at Nov 17, 2009,
#4
I like this. It's a little outside my usual range of interest, but its good. The pacing is a little unusual, and kind of irregular, but that adds to the effect. Just curious about the lines:

"Just accept that your parents made mistakes,
accept that your siblings were locked away"

What are those lines referring to?
They say that in the army, the food is mighty fine.
The chicken jumped off the table and killed a friend of mine.

Oh lord, I want to go home.
But they won't let me go-o
Ho-oho-ohohahohohome. Hey!
#5
My Ex girlfriends mom had a mental breakdown and left her family, her dad remarried some crazy lady and she ended up gambling all his money away. Her dad lets the step mom run all over him. Her brother was locked away for being involved in a shooting. So I was trying to say "it's was out of your hands, you were to young. You have to accept it for what it is and look ahead to what you have." hope that helps.