#1
I'm currently in the process of assembling a new band, and to honour that I spent way too long at my laptop with my guitar jamming stuff out and fiddling about with guitar pro due to a burst of inspiration.

what do I have to show for it? this piece is heavily influenced by lots of maiden & lost horizon stuff. I haven't done the drums (I'm no drummer, I'll leave that to him) or the vocal lines, and it's only half finished (stuck on the process of writing the chorus at the moment), but if you could critique what I've done so far (I've uploaded the midi file for those without GP), that would be great!

Cheers,
Fraser

[EDIT: Updated files further down the page]
Last edited by Fraserwatt at Nov 16, 2009,
#2
I can really feel the Lost Horizon in this one, great band, especially harpiscordmeldoy was great! Fun to see someone even mentioning this band ^^
On the technical side, the way you notated the whole arrangement wasn't the best I've seen, hehe. I'm no musical theory-expert, but you could've dropped the triplets and raise the bpm to 170 and sort out the measures afterwards. I'm not sure if this in anyway enlights you, but it's difficult to explain.
#3
That must be the first time I've ever heard Lost Horizon mentioned on these boards. Love their albums, awesome classic metal in a slightly new dress. Coincidentally I was involved in the recording of their second album; every single note of bass and every drum track were recorded with me behind the board. I was in a band with the drummer way back in the day.

If you want to make this sound more like Lost Horizon you should have the bass playing power chords for the intro. A bit more movement in the bass during the verses is also a must. That goes double for a Maiden feel. You could use a little more keyboards, especially pads. The harpsichord is a nice touch but Woytek would probably have used some arpeggiation on that intro. Still, this is cool. I do miss drums though. Be sure to keep us up to date on the writing of this song.

When Lost were recording demos for their unrecorded 3rd album, when Woytek had quit the band, I wrote a few songs for consideration but none were up to par. One was highly derivative of the first song off the first album (I felt they needed continuity). Might have to record that properly some day, the demo is more than a little rough.
"If money is the root of all evil, I'd like to be a bad, bad man."

- Huey Lewis & the News
#5
Here's an updated version of the song. The reason it sounds so repetitive is mainly due to there being no vocals.

fixed a few things such as flow of verse into prechorus, the odd timing of everything, etc. would be good to know what you guys think

cheers!!
Fraser


[EDIT: updated files further down the page]
Last edited by Fraserwatt at Nov 16, 2009,
#6
Great intro, great harmonies, the tempo was a little slow. But over all, a really good piece.
#7
Its getting better. It was exactly what I meant by dropping the triplets and such. For drums you can always try and find a similar song study how the drums look like and use it. After a while you'll probably learn how to write drumtracks, it's quite fun and learning aswell. Remember that drummers are quite primitive beings, so you can't expect their minds to work alongside you when showing a piece.

C4C, mine is abit Lost Horizon inspired aswell: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1231120
#8
although I might fiddle around with the drum tracks, the piano bit at the end, the harmonies at the beginning and some of the choir pads at a later date, structurally this is pretty much finished now (although I may change the ending).
Attachments:
song1finish.mid
song1finish.gp4
Last edited by Fraserwatt at Nov 16, 2009,
#9
OK... I don't have guitar pro, so I had to improvise with what I thought the tones might be similar to in garageband. I'm liking what I'm hearing though, the melodies are really interesting. Thanks for the crit, and hopefully I'll see this actually recorded some time soon.
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one of the best, educated and logical posts I've ever seen on UG in the Pit. Well done good sir.
#10
Nice intro, nice guitar harmony, but taking it out after one run at the intro theme felt a bit weird, I´d keep it in. Also, the ritardando was a bit too much in my opinion, but it´s always hard conveying that sort of thing over guitar pro.

Good, solid verse, except in my opinion returning tonic at the end of every phrase sounds rather unnatural. I´d just stay on the G5 for the whole measure. Good pre-chorus, but the bass going out of key just clashes and doesnt add anything (imo of course). I´d just have a C# there instead.

Keeping the exact same verse pre-chorus structure is a bit boring, vocals or no vocals - just taking away the repeat on Verse 2 would spice up the song immensely and make it much more interesting to the listener.

On the chorus, the bass playing a B over the rest of the instruments A-chord also sounds weird and doesn´t add much. Same for the instrumental part and chorus 2 obviously.

After chorus 2, the piano writing and the harmony seem rather confused. Nice touch having the melody starting over a D chord though, and the guitars in measure 137.

A return to the intro riff somewhere would be neat and give the song more continuity.


Sorry if this crit sounds harsh or so, I liked the song in general, but I think you could improve greatly.
#11
Quote by descara
Good, solid verse, except in my opinion returning tonic at the end of every phrase sounds rather unnatural.


+1

Quote by descara
Keeping the exact same verse pre-chorus structure is a bit boring, vocals or no vocals - just taking away the repeat on Verse 2 would spice up the song immensely and make it much more interesting to the listener.


I agree with this as well. I'd also spice up the rhythm playing a bit with some variation, now you have the same thing for all the chords of the verse. A little connecting phrase somewhere or just throwing in an arpeggiation for one chord would breathe a little more life into the song.
"If money is the root of all evil, I'd like to be a bad, bad man."

- Huey Lewis & the News