#1
this is played softly on a acoustic. i wrote the first verse after a friend got cheated on but didn't get told by the boy-friend. i just started writing and this is what came out.


I see a sad girl siting
with her head in her hands
his saying its alright
please just try to understand

he says its not your fault
you did everything right
its something with me
not you

Why do they keep it a secret
its so clear they've been seeing someone else
why don’t they just tell them
rather than breaking their now broken heart

got on the bus, there sits another girl
doing the same thing as I saw before
I asked what was wrong
she just started crying, and I knew

Why do they keep it a secret
its so clear they've been seeing someone else
why don’t they just tell them
rather than breaking their now broken heart

SOLO


I looked outside, of my lonesome home
right out onto the street
there sits a boy holding a photo
of his now ex-girlfriend

Why do they keep it a secret
its so clear they've been seeing someone else
why don’t they just tell them
rather than breaking their now broken heart
their now broken heart (REPEAT AND FADE OUT)
Last edited by Donvalley at Nov 14, 2009,
#3
SOOO overdone.
"Black gives way to more black."




I have UG Black Style and I can barely read my signature.

Also, I like black.


~DawnwalkerALL HAIL COMRADE DAWNWALKER
#4
i don't understand why you would just say "solo" real loud in the middle of the song? am i missing something here?
Guitars:
LTD Alexi-600 White & Black
LTD Alexi-200 Black(Death Adder pickup & Gold OFR)
Agile Interceptor Pro 727 7-string
Jackson JS30RR rhoads
Jackson DKMGT
Squire telecaster

amps:
Bugera 6262 212 loaded with WGS veteran 30's
#5
Quote by Paradox5
Don't even

Quote by Dawnwalker
SOOO overdone.

Quote by Gundamnitpete
i don't understand why you would just say "solo" real loud in the middle of the song? am i missing something here?

None of these comments really qualify as constructive criticism and are pretty much pointless. Keep these kinds of comments to yourself.
#6
Quote by bassbeat77
None of these comments really qualify as constructive criticism and are pretty much pointless. Keep these kinds of comments to yourself.


thanks man
#8
Quote by skateordie24f
To be honest I, I really liked that. Lots of emotion.


Thanks Mate
Last edited by Donvalley at Nov 15, 2009,
#9
I suggest working on repetition. Otherwise for I guess this is your second song now? not bad by any means. Also I assume the topic was someone was cheatting on someone? Maybe try to make it a secret to the reader the person is cheating and the reader / listener would have to peice it together themselves and be like.. OH shit.... and it would just hit them. I dunno lol. C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1231803