#1
Ok, this is a REALLY rough piece that I've been trying to edit today. Needless to say, the editing didn't go very well, so I'm looking for some outside perspective. Please, rip this one to shreds, I need lots of constructive criticism! Also, unsure whether to leave the final part as a chorus or extend it into a bridge, as I'm not sure this song needs a chorus? C4C as always.

V1

Stumbling through this maze
of memories, i see a haze
of broken promises I made
I tried to make it right
with alcohol, I fear the night
because the darkness amplifies
my greatest fear, I've almost
finished all the beer.

V2

I need to know that grudges fade
they amplify mistakes, so we can
grow into the shapes we want to be
I attempt to catch your eye
static surprise, your arms fold tight
and I watch you walk away
It's clear to see our futures intertwine
at least you're still nearby.

Chorus/Bridge?

If you analyse my dreams
You'll find the seams of my reality
are based within your feet
Your step is my heartbeat.
#2
Stumbling through this maze
of memories, i see a haze
of broken promises I made
I tried to make it right

i guess i could say that this part is pretty average, i see nothing new here, you can try to twist it around a bit and deliver the purpose in a more unique way

with alcohol, I fear the night
because the darkness amplifies
my greatest fear, I've almost
finished all the beer.

i love this part, its good because its intriguing while maintaining a sort of dark sense of humor, nice
i have one question tho.....is running out of beer your biggest fear

I need to know that grudges fade
they amplify mistakes, so we can
grow into the shapes we want to be
I attempt to catch your eye
static surprise, your arms fold tight
and I watch you walk away
It's clear to see our futures intertwine
at least you're still nearby.

pretty ****ing good, ive nothing to say except that maybe the part about the grudges doesnt really fit with the rest of the verse, i didnt get it,
begining with (i attempt o catch your eye) till the end there are some really powerful words there man, again, NICE

If you analyse my dreams
You'll find the seams of my reality
are based within your feet
Your step is my heartbeat.

thats my favorite part of the whole thing, especially the last two lines, but the first line has a bad flow to it tho.....

hope this was helpful
critisim for fellow critics, be a doll why dontcha :
Demons
sweet soul


is you am a dog? is you got a dog?
#3
Stumbling through this maze
of memories, i see a haze
of broken promises I made
I tried to make it right
with alcohol, I fear the night
because the darkness amplifies
my greatest fear, I've almost
finished all the beer.

good, but the "finished all the beer" is cool, but a bit cliché.

V2

I need to know that grudges fade
they amplify mistakes, so we can
grow into the shapes we want to be
I attempt to catch your eye
static surprise, your arms fold tight
and I watch you walk away
It's clear to see our futures intertwine
at least you're still nearby.

I would say that verse is pretty much spot on, really good work.

Chorus/Bridge?

If you analyse my dreams
You'll find the seams of my reality
are based within your feet
Your step is my heartbeat.

good link in between dreams/reality and feet/step and a good deep and consistent flow of ideas. Good work =)

If you have the music for it, show it to me, it sounds like a good piece. By the way, thanks for the crit on my song "welcome to nothing", I can see the mistakes, and I'll work on it.

Peace =)
#4
The second verse and the chorus (i think you should leave it as a chorus) were very well written, and the first one was okay.

I think you should change "I've almost finished my beer". It rhymes with "fear" alright, but it makes it look like your biggest fear is finishing the beer. (unless it's really that and i totally didn't get it)

Could you have a look at mine ?
-> https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1230681