#1
Haha, so I'm in love and everything that I write is just all jumbled and mixed up to me. Other people seem to like this type of writing, but i think that they're just being polite...any criticism is greatly appreciated

Right now,
I pop,
The Future,
I just can't stop,
Forever,
Destiny waits,
Calling me,
Ringing away,
Answer it,
No one's home,
Here I am,
I'm so alone,
Close my eyes,
Solitude fades,
There you are,
Don't leave me be,
Disappear,
You're all I hear,
I can't reach,
Your hand's not here,
Push pulls in,
Me to you,
Heavenly,
Heavenly.
#4
Quote by the_bradman


Right now I, I pop.

The Future.

I just can't...stop.

Forever...destiny awaits.
Calling me, ringing away.

Answer it.

No one's home, but here I am, so alone.
I close my eyes and solitude fades.

There you are!

Don't leave me be!

Disappear, is all I hear,
I can't reach, your hand's not here.

Push pulls in, me to you...
Heavenly, heavenly heavenly, heavenly, Oh.


Are you fan of Faith No More at all? I can see this working very well with the way they do things.

The original amount of commas was offensive to my eyes. Tell me what you think of the arrangement in quotes.

Other than that I thought the piece was good. 7.5/10.

C4C? My piece is on the first page of the S+L Forum.

#6
Quote by Haze14
Are you fan of Faith No More at all? I can see this working very well with the way they do things.

The original amount of commas was offensive to my eyes. Tell me what you think of the arrangement in quotes.

Other than that I thought the piece was good. 7.5/10.

C4C? My piece is on the first page of the S+L Forum.



I've actually gotten that Faith No More comment more than once, but no, not really. Lol, I've only head one song by them before though. And the comma's were just how i arranged my thoughts. I just forgot to rearrange it when i was done. And thank you very much for the comments everyone! Every one helps.