#1
I moved surreally through the park, stuck somewhere between reality and memory. Aaron shoved the gun hard into my back, pushing me forward, against the chapel door. I turned to face him, seeing no one.
“Inside, Detective,” his voice floated out of the air and the doors flew open behind me. I fell back hard against the floor. Aaron’s ghost hand gripped my shirt and carried me, struggling, towards the altar. The doors slammed closed behind us, plunging the chapel into darkness. I lay against the altar, my mind reeling. I could hear Aaron’s footsteps, and then slowly, candles began to light throughout the chapel.
“Do you remember yet, Detective?”
Yes, yes I did.

Aaron lit the last of the candles and spun around to face York, who lay stunned against the altar. Aaron waved York’s gun in his face.
“They’re in me, Detective. Inside my head and my body, they scream at me to…to do things. I see things…you can’t even understand.”
“AARON NEIL, YOU ARE SURROUNDED. PUT DOWN THE GUN AND COME OUTSIDE.”
Aaron clutched his head and screamed. York began to stand, but Aaron stopped him with another wave of the gun.
“Don’t think I won’t kill you, Detective. I don’t fear dying, not in here. Not with you.”
“Aaron, please…”
“The demons need a host, York. They always need a host.” Aaron raised the gun to his mouth.
“Aaron, no!”


The hallucination melted away, leaving only the ghost of Aaron Neil, sitting on the pew facing me, gun placed against my skull.
“Do you remember, Detective?”
“They need a host.”
Aaron smiled. “Yes, Detective. They always need a host. And it was just you and me, Detective.”
I shook my head. “No, no, this is ridiculous. You’re just a post-traumatic hallucination.”
Aaron laughed. “Of course I am, but, Dick, riddle me this. Who murdered those men? Your family? A ghost? A vision? Or something more…real?”
“You bastard,” I breathed. “You fucking bastard.”
“Can you hear them, Detective? Wriggling like eels inside your mind. Except these are electric eels, zapping away until there’s nothing left.”
I shook my head, denying the static waves of whispers inside my head. “No, no there’s only you.”
“Have you been losing time, Detective? Feel like you’re moving through life without detail or pace? Life just flying by?”
withintwoweekslaterthatnightafewhourslater
“No!”
“Oh yes, Detective. They always need a host.”
I shook my head. “No, this ends now.” Fighting my mind, the vision of Aaron vanished and it was just me and a gun. The end. My finger twitched once, twice and for one horrible moment, I thought it wouldn’t move. Then, with a mighty effort, the trigger snapped back.

Eric kicked down the door of the chapel just as the gunshot rang out in the air. He screamed, watching in horror as the blood flew out the side of York’s head. He ran forward, but froze when the doors slammed closed behind him. Eric spun around and tried the door, but it was locked closed. He turned back to York, just in time to see a dark cloud slowly start to seep out of the head wound. Eric backed up against the door and the darkness rushed in.

The End
#2
You say "Aaron" waaaaayyy too much, and it kinds gets annoying.

"Aaron, please.." "Aaron raised the gun to his mouth" "Aaron, no!", all bunched together reads really weirdly.

I also wasn't a fan of this:

withintwoweekslaterthatnightafewhourslater


It's just unnecessary to have it written like that.


Still, I like this one alot. Your best so far by a long shot.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
I liked the "withintwoweekslaterthatnightafewhourslater".
It gave a sense of thoughts going really fast. (don't know how to put words what i want to say)

It was a good read, but the only critic i could found was that now i want to know what happens to Eric, after.
#4
i'm glad that came across with the whole "fast" thing. And it's the stereotypical "horror" ending, jeez!
#5
note: sorry if this comes across as harsh at times.
ok so i read them all which means it was interesting enough to get through. It was pretty enjoyable but i really dont feel fulfilled by part 4 the end. It seems like a cheap way to end it. the whole supernatural aspect coming out of nowhere just feels like not knowing an edgy way to go with it so resorting to supernaturalism. I read something about short stories before that actually talked about this in detail- how acts of god, miracles, crazy shit, and things that just come out of nowhere tend to feel like an easy escape to the finish for an author. I got a little bit of that from this.
The confusion of it all was uncomfortable in a bad way in this section. I dont think it helped here.
The characters aren't as interesting as they could be. We dont get much out of them.
some of the more cliche stuff could do away with. the "yes my name is dick" part from the first part was kind of clumsy for example.
you do say aaron too much. sometimes this means you're focusing too much on one aspect of one thing thats going on.
i didnt like the daysweekswhatever thing
so the whole underlying feeling from the story was ok but nothing groundbreaking.

ok now that thats out of the way, i enjoyed the series. i did want to know what happened next (even if i dont like the ending it came to). The writing wasnt great but it was comfortable for the most of it. Some of the less than shocking turns (thekillerisaneil), the family getting killed, etc. and some of the dialogue made me go 'come on' but overall I liked reading it. I dont mean to sound derogatory if i do. hopefully its helpful though. So this wasnt anything special for me, but it was fun for sure. have a good day.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#6
Thanks, Jimmy. I really never expected this to do well. It was just a little thing I wrote for fun and wanted to share. I'm glad it was fun for you. Is it brilliant? Hell, no. Is it good? Not really. Is it a bit of enjoyable reading? I hope so.
#8
Nice read. Really, I have no more to say, except that I'm a sucker for these kind of stories, so I really enjoyed it. Good job, man.
#11
I liked most of it but 'head wound.' That bothered me more than anything - it's like watching a really great horror film, the kind that makes you laugh every now and then but overall makes your stomach turn, your eyes somehow magnetized to the dark corner that means nothing, and the director meant it that way - and then right before the fade out, there's a picture of an ice cream cone. pink goo. out of context, out of contrast, like clip art on a Rembrandt. Everything else I enjoyed, but I think there are better sounding names to repeat as many times as you said Aaron. Englebert, for example. You wouldn't say it so much if his parents liked him a little less, would you?
#12
ive been reading these, quietly. all something i couldnt do. all something i give props to you for doing. youve turned into quite a writer. quite quite quite.
#13
Thankyou so much, Matt. It means more to me than you would know hearing that from you. Spike (i should remember your name), I really have a fascination with names for some reason, I don't know why. I'llt ry to weedle out the repetition.