#1
Deleted the other thread, as changing the title here didn't change it on the main page.

C4C, leave a link to yours.
thanks in advance for reading.


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scarlet & darkness

“Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
dream dreams of unconditional love
for you can’t live any other way.

Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
fear the fear of opening your eyes
for you can’t live any other way.

Watch the world and the stream of life go on
while you sit down here on your own, holding
flowers that have long faded and memories
that will never change what they are, memories.
Drink every droplet of rain to the last
so you can finally bloom once again, and
rise above this act you call yourself, because
memories are only what they are, memories.

Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
pray that you’ll be able to open them
and finally find a way to live on.”
#2
nice
If you want to get laid, go to college,
If you want education go to a library

-Frank Zappa-
#3
“Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
dream dreams of unconditional love
for you can’t live any other way.

Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
fear the fear of opening your eyes I can't say I'm a huge fan of "fear the fear". It flows, but the phrasing is clumsy because of it.
for you can’t live any other way.

Watch the world and the stream of life go on Stream of life is nastily cliched, even if this is a lullaby.
while you sit down here on your own, holding
flowers that have long faded and memories
that will never change what they are, memories. Not so sure about this second memories.
Drink every droplet of rain to the last
so you can finally bloom once again, and Clumsy wording here.
rise above this act you call yourself, because
memories are only what they are, memories. Actually, with the repetition, the extra memories works nice. It does work better this time than the first, though.

Close your eyes to sleep, little one. And
pray that you’ll be able to open them
and finally find a way to live on.”


This is a nice piece, it does have that "lullaby" feel to it. At times it's a little too simple though, a little too cliched. But a very nice read. Forgetable, but I don't think that's the point. If you want, you can check out "Quatros" in my sig.
#4
Thanks for the crit. I tried finding something better than "fear the fear", but am still looking. If you have any suggestion, you'll be welcome !

I tried keeping it as simple as possible, as well, make it more a spoken lullaby as possible.

Thanks again, getting to yours now.