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1
4 21%
2
0 0%
3
0 0%
4
1 5%
5
3 16%
6
2 11%
7
0 0%
8
4 21%
9
5 26%
10
0 0%
Voters: 19.
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#1
Hey guys

Im 20 years old and ive been playing guitar for about 5 years now , and practicing every day.
i spend alot of time writing my own songs with gp5 and hope to get a metal band together one day and rule the world :P

anyway so far i wrote only 2 songs and a looooot of material ( which a lot of it didnt make it into my songs ) :P , and i hope to finish another song soon so i have enough material for a demo , than ill need to find some people that want to play that cind of music and create a band and .... rule the world.

anyway here is my first song its called Hold the Line , im not finished on the lyrics yet so so i havent put them in yet

anyway hope that you give me some feedback and ONLY reply if you listened with RSE on please , oh ye and try to quess what band my main influence is :P
Attachments:
Hold the Line.gp5
Last edited by MobiuZ at Nov 16, 2009,
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#3
im sorry man

but i made it with RSE so the sound with midi is far from what its supposed to be , i hope you understand
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#5
so how come so many people here only use midi and dont use RSE , i mean you dont need an uber pc to run RSE :S and still every file i download here is in midi , wich has uber crap sound quality ( no offense ) , or am i just missing something here :S
Last edited by MobiuZ at Nov 17, 2009,
icronic
...
Join date: Aug 2004
614 IQ
#6
Yeah people do love their midi around here. Your best bet is to make both an RSE version and a remixed version for midi. It may not sound as good, but lets face it, both midi and RSE pale in comparison to a real recording. It's about song writing more than sound quality

Anyway, your song. Critting as I listen

Build up:
Great way to start a song. the lead guitar part is quite good, although I think in bar 7 you'd be much better with ho/po's instead of slides. I also think that if you're going to have it repeat you should add something more the second time though.

Intro:
Really good, very powerful. I'm not entirely sure about that 6/4 bar at the end though, it just pauses slightly too long before hitting the verse. It kind of throws away a lot of the power that's been built up from the intro.

Verse:
Good stuff. The only negative is the drums here. They weren't really laying down a solid groove like they should have been.

Interlude:
Not what I'd call an interlude, but that doesn't really matter. It was solid. The synth stuff was a really nice touch.

The little bit of lead guitar in the next verse was really nice.

Pre-chorus: Didn't like the tempo change at all. Was just awkward. Once past the time change it was fantastic though. Nice little guitar fills.

Chorus was fantastic, especially the few bars prior to the bridge.

Bridge:
Great guitar melodies, great section. Doesn't sound like a bridge, but it's still my favorite part I've heard so far.

Solo:
Both good and bad. I like what you've written, but it doesn't really stand out from the rest of the lead guitar work as a solo. There's really not a lot in the way of phrasing going on here, and it kind of lacks power because of it. These kinds of scale runs I'd save for the climax of a solo instead of an entire solo.

Overall, I thought the drums were a bit of a weak point. They were a little quiet, and some times they were a little spastic, and never really put out a groove that I could nod my head to.

Also, I thought the song needed a little more in the way of dynamics. Some kind of break or downtime to kind of mix thing's up a little.

I know I've offered a lot of crit here, but don't misunderstand I still think it's an incredibly good song.

C4C? Either of the top two song in my sig
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#7
hey man thanks a lot for your comment ,
i agree about the drums part , im gonna rewrite the drums since i found out that writing them in 16th notes works a lot better for me cuz than i can put different layers in it , and i agree about the weird time change at the pre chorus , i know it sounds off and ill find a way to smoothen it out more or change the tempo , anyway ill work out the kinks and update it once its ready

thx again for your usefull feedback
jimmyled
*****es ain't ****
Join date: Apr 2008
90 IQ
#8
First thing I did was change the RSE to Jazz Guitar. I like it better. Build-up was, as the name suggested, a build-up. Rather nice at that. The clean arpeggios were somewhat unnecessary IMO, but whatever. Verse was rather generic though, I suggest a variation of the riff. Interlude sounded like a chorus to me, but you're the composer, composer. The EFX in the background weren't to my liking. Pre-chorus was epic Iron Maiden style. Thumbs up! Chorus, however, was very generic, again, I suggest a variation of the usual build. Bridge was really nice, good job. Cleans should be much louder throughout though. I really liked the lead here. BTW, why did you make each bar 8/4 long? The generic chorus sounded more in place here. Solo was pretty nice, but again, I suggest a different riff. I didn't much like the theme, and I think the solo should be longer here. Chorus 2 was great, unlike 1. That last bridge should be part of the outro BTW... On the whole, pretty good job, not my taste, but great nonetheless. 8.5/10 for potential.
Crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1161997
metul kult
Registered User
Join date: Aug 2008
407 IQ
#9
im so impressed by the stuff you write mobiuZ.
like, seriously! ahaha, i think this is like, top 10 stuff i've seen come out of this forum.
i think it did sound a little generic at some parts... but other than that i don't even know where to start with this man
9/10
madbasslover
UG's ***** Hands
Join date: Feb 2005
111 IQ
#10
Overall it was very good. The only comments I have to make are:

- Tone down the lead work a little bit and focus more on rhythm development. The lead guitar work is great, but it takes away from the rhythm department a little bit. More rhythm oriented sections here and there would be refreshing and would emphasize the lead guitar work a lot more.

- I think it could have used an interlude about midway through the song. It started out strong and ended even stronger, but the second half of the song would have had more impact if the pace had slowed down a little bit before it. It would've had something of an "eye of the storm" effect, where everything calms down before it gets more intense than it was before.

Other than that, it was a very good song. It had a really big, epic feel to it. Nice work, dude.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1241300
MobiuZ
Registered User
Join date: Nov 2009
120 IQ
#11
Quote by metul kult
im so impressed by the stuff you write mobiuZ.
like, seriously! ahaha, i think this is like, top 10 stuff i've seen come out of this forum.
i think it did sound a little generic at some parts... but other than that i don't even know where to start with this man
9/10


thanks a lot man i really appreciate it

Quote by madbasslover
Overall it was very good. The only comments I have to make are:

- Tone down the lead work a little bit and focus more on rhythm development. The lead guitar work is great, but it takes away from the rhythm department a little bit. More rhythm oriented sections here and there would be refreshing and would emphasize the lead guitar work a lot more.

- I think it could have used an interlude about midway through the song. It started out strong and ended even stronger, but the second half of the song would have had more impact if the pace had slowed down a little bit before it. It would've had something of an "eye of the storm" effect, where everything calms down before it gets more intense than it was before.

Other than that, it was a very good song. It had a really big, epic feel to it. Nice work, dude.

C4C?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1241300


thanks a lot for your crit ! and i agree about the interlude part , i might still change it and add some stuff to make it more complete.
Squares
Similar to Rectangles
Join date: Dec 2008
60 IQ
#12
wow i like that drum kit.

Nice intro. i love a good snare rhythm.
likin' it. Except there doesn't seem to be enough melody. will there be sining?

I think you might have a bit too much orchestra. And the chords aren't agreeing with my ears. i don't know why. I'd try Tweaking em around a bit.


okay. so it's really cool for a while, but it gets very because there are no major changes in the song. You should try to put an interlude somewhere areound 40

Bleh also the solo needs to be distorted or overdriven. Clean isn't working out lol.

All in all it's a cool idea, but needs some overhaul and refining.


p.s. i listened without RSE


...


so hah. :P
AlphaBlackheart
The 12 Year Noob
Join date: Oct 2008
30 IQ
#14
Only thing that really got me was the drums. Never have been a fan of heavy cymbol use.

Other than that, everything else I could've critted has been said. Overall, it sounds pretty good. Keep writing!
Setup:
Ibanez GRG170DX
- D'Addario 9s
Squier Stratocaster
- D'Addario 11s
Kona Cutaway Acoustic
- D'Addario 12s
Kona K35 Amp
Rocktron Metal Planet Distortion Pedal
Dunlop Original Crybaby Wah
JackBowen
Early Guitarist
Join date: Oct 2008
10 IQ
#16
sweet intricate stuff you got there. Pretty genreless, but that could be a good thing.
The start and verse could be a bit more interesting but hey its a verse. Solo and theme were amazing and my favourite parts!
Only thing i would say is to get that lead guitar pushing through a bit more. The clean guitar is a interesting idea but distortion would make it sound great at points. Great song though, really interesting. Well done
coco-loco
UG's Only Ghoulscout
Join date: Sep 2009
1,359 IQ
#17
Woah, it's like a mini-epic! I Loved it...but I couldn't listen to it with RSE...Cause it doesnt work my computer...don't know why.

Your Main influence? I don't know D:

Critting

Buildup: Great, but perhaps to long, but love the "Battle Drums"

Intro: I like how this Smoothly follows through from the Buildup, and it sounds Grandiose and climatic. I like how this sounds like something is really about to happen...

Verse: The verse is the "something". Every instrument fits beautifuly with each other, this part would be very "singable"

Pre-Chorus: The drums come out a bit "randomly", and compared to the other lead guitars beauty, this isn't quiet as punchy as the verse & Intro.

Chorus: This isn't as good as the verse, once again, but still is quiet good. I love the "String Ensemble", that adds sort of "3-D" feel. perhaps thats not right...Almost cinematic.....

Bridge: I love the bridge that has a really nice sound that once again, flows through the from the chorus, and prepares you for another verse.

Solo: The solo has a nice sound to it, very speedy, and mid-way [Bar 66] , sound almost like a chinese adventure scene in a film- not that that is neccesarily a bad thing though. I like the way the solo is done with a "Clean Guitar", giving it a 90's Arcade game feel to it yet a modern, clean metal solo is found deep inside it. If I were to simply change the Clean guitar into a Distorion guitar, it would sound like a Metal solo, and I've tried it and it sounds great!

Theme: I like how dramatic the Theme is. It is sort of the filling of the sandwhich if the Solo and the 2nd chorus was bread.

I also like the outro of it-it reminds me somewhat of the introduction to the song "Sin" by Nine Inch Nails, if you don't know the song, check it out and youll understand what I mean.
Darkworker
Registered User
Join date: Mar 2009
20 IQ
#18
Dude, this song is awesome. 9/10 definetly.
I'm sorry I can't give you any good critic from wich you can improve, because I have poor knowledge of the music theory. Well, as I agree with the previous comments, the drums don't seem to fit in the song properly sometimes, but can't give you any proper advice whow to change it. Verse before solo was definetly my fav part of the song.
Keep up the good work.
vsdornelas
Likes Peter Frampton
Join date: Jun 2008
1,029 IQ
#19
On my song:
Quote by MobiuZ

1 small thing is that i didnt like that sawtooth ensemble , but thats just a personal taste i guess.


I don't like sawtooth that much either, but Guitar Pro doesn't have anything that resembles Jon Lord's distorted Hammond, so...

All right, your song:
The build-up must have been one of the coolest stuff I ever heard, really good. The verses, pre-chorus were nice, and the chorus is a highlight, very strong. I liked the keyboards in the bridge, and solo was pretty good, though I think you should make it a bit longer, you know? A song this epic needs an epic solo, not that I'm saying it isn't good, but you know what I mean. I enjoyed the change in the Chorus 2, no complains on the bridge and end. Great job, 9/10.
Last edited by vsdornelas at Dec 29, 2009,
dervishguitar
Registered User
Join date: Apr 2007
131 IQ
#20
Crit as I listen.

Drums, wut. Not great so far. Catchy yes, but too typical for my taste. Synths are a little cheesy for this kind of progression here. Interlude isn't really an interlude but it's my favourite part so far.

Tempo change wasn't bad, actually. I'm still slightly irritated by the poppiness of this. Just me?

This is quite well organized, BUT IT'S SO BASIC, IT'S BUGGING ME. Maybe it's your thing, but you should be able to get more creative than this.

Still listening, but nothing new to say.

Chorus bugs me. This is all too "RAWR I WANNA BE IN A BIG METAL BAND BUT 20 YEARS AGO".

If you're gonna Steve Morse the solo then it'll sound really cool. But if it's all legato then meh.

I didn't like the ending.

Unfortunately I didn't like this. It screamed conformism to me and you just want to appeal to as many people as you can, not yourself.

If this is you, and you can convince me then alright I guess. I have nothing to say against you at that point.

Being honest my bruddah.

Be as brutally honest as you want with mine, that is if you even want to look at it. XD

c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1252157
Gwrhkhsh
Make it blurred. More.
Join date: Oct 2008
114 IQ
#21
Not really my kind of music, so it's difficult for me to say anything. I liked the first four bars of the solo melody, I didn't like the orchestration and "mixing". The whole piece went hyper-noisey and it was difficult to find out what's really going on - except for those extremely annoying strings I've said before. Some good sounding rhythm riffs and progressions (first bridge) - simple, yet effective - exactly what I like. Well, I might like - if everything was clearer.

Ah, I have no RSE.
Last edited by Gwrhkhsh at Dec 28, 2009,
RAH7747
The Apostle In Triumph
Join date: Jan 2009
213 IQ
#22
Ok let me first guess your prime influence on this one.. I thought it would be Maiden themselves but then the heavy usage of an orchestra and the sort of riffs present in the song, I think your main influence was.. umm.. Alestorm?! Are you Scottish?

Anyway, onto the song. I must say, this isn't entirely my type of music. The other song, that I critiqued, was more Maiden-esque in that it had the normal power chord setup and good usage of the lead from time to time.. Here, the lead guitar was totally overwhelmed by the orchestra and drums.. Though when I listened to it individually, it seemed fine.. The string orchestra here was enormous!

Other than that, I think everything else has been commented for.. I'll be honest, I can't pick out any part of the song that REALLY impressed me, and that could be down to the fact that this isn't my genre basically.. Don't get me wrong here..

The effort, however, is commendable. And for a fact, I know that your second song is better than the first.. So, you're improving and that could only mean good things for the future.. So keep working hard at it and keep it metal! \m/

Another song by me.. Check it out and let me know what you think abt it..

P.S: it aint black metal..
Wann kann ich dich von diesem Ort wegbringen?
Wann ist der Tod unser einziger Zuschauer?
Wann können wir schreien anstatt zu flüstern?
Wann ist der neue Anfang das Ende dieses traurigen Madrigals?
Last edited by RAH7747 at Mar 3, 2010,
Nemesis@Germany
Rhythm Guitar
Join date: Feb 2009
71 IQ
#23
just wanted to see if this was any better..

well, yeah.
CLICK
Quote by synestershadows
Holy shit nemesis, that was depressing.
Mission accomplished!
Tsunami3000
Certified Cysquatch
Join date: Oct 2008
41 IQ
#24
(since i never C4C'd you for doing mine ill make sure to crit all of yours)

Hey man, i really liked this one, the sound itself was awesome. when i write i never really think about a keyboard unless its an option or a band because the songs i write also work as a way for my bandmates to read the tab, honestly im just starting to gget a band going. and in my third year of playing guitar its pretty nerve wracking trying to make it all work!

i give it an 8!