#1
Fairly old piece about my less than quality family from Louisiana.

The whiskey's gone
but we haven't even touched the gin
so won't you fill my glass again?
Oh please, just one more, and then another

The burn of this drink
It's cooking my teeth
and it's putting wrong things right
if only for a little while

So you can drag me home, alone
Cause I haven't had enough to drink,
i'm getting close to putting
this christmas time, right again

And the gin is gone
could you pass me the vodka, friend?
I can toast with ghosts,
to lives lived and loved, a long time ago

You can drag me home, alone
Cause I'm not too drunk to drink,
And i'm getting close,
I can barely even feel the cold

and we'll masquarade our problems
as good time cheer,
Afterall, when did God say
we couldn't drink a few beers?

Well you call it numbing
And I call you bullshit
Cause I never felt so close
to anything at all

And i dont feel close
to nothing,
nothing at all.
#3
The whiskey's gone
but we haven't even touched the gin
so won't you fill my glass again?
Oh please, just one more, and then another

Not the strongest opening ever but it works.

The burn of this drink
It's cooking my teeth
and it's putting wrong things right
if only for a little while

Love this stanza, "cooking my teeth" is a great image. The third line just sounds weird and out of flow... Maybe put "it's righting my wrongs" instead?

So you can drag me home, alone
Cause I haven't had enough to drink,
i'm getting close to putting
this christmas time, right again

Erm...the first line doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Was that intentional?

And the gin is gone
could you pass me the vodka, friend?
I can toast with ghosts,
to lives lived and loved, a long time ago

Great stanza, I liked the way you twisted the earlier stanza, it definitely helps to keep the piece consistent

You can drag me home, alone
Cause I'm not too drunk to drink,
And i'm getting close,
I can barely even feel the cold

and we'll masquarade our problems
as good time cheer,
Afterall, when did God say
we couldn't drink a few beers?

It should be "masquerade" in the first line.

Well you call it numbing
And I call you bullshit
Cause I never felt so close
to anything at all

Fantastic work here.

And i dont feel close
to nothing,
nothing at all.

Didn't like the way you used double negatives here. It just sounds immature and clumsy.

Overall, this piece is pretty damn good, I liked your use of imagery and the way you kept it consistent throughout. I'd like to hear the music for this, do you have any for it yet? Can you critique my latest piece, Uncertain Sleeves? Link's in the sig. Cheers!
#4
Unfortunately, I don't play any instruments. It's all written to music floating around in my head, or other people's beats if it's a rap.

You can drag me home, (but you'll have to do it) alone

that's pretty much what that line is saying. Alot of these lines I took (and some of them i rearranged a little) from what a a former good friend of mine said. He's not around now though. He's off doing H in his travel trailer. Sometimes when he talks, it doesn't make much sense. I tried to make it sound like he's talking and drinking with my out of state family.

It needs cleaning. I don't edit most of my stuff Thanks for the critique man.