#1
1 2

In the blistering light of shadows
carefully eluding capture,
two, they stand in black and colour,
figures looking on and farther
than we’ve ever seen.
They are borders for the sunlight,
where the latter never goes,
they are blurred and they don’t matter,
characters of no existence in the
realm of sight and different wavelengths
between us and who they are.
And in blindness words are uttered
of the suffered love and loss,
they cannot see but they can feel
how real it is to be
and not to be
together.



This is not a pipe
#2
Wow just wow. Very powerful writing
Actually the only thing i've read that was good AND SINGABLE.... I truely dont think people understand the difference between a good song and a good poem. This just happens to be both. Great work. 9.5/10

figures looking on and farther
than we’ve ever seen.
pretty sweet. My favourite|

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1231803
#6
I felt like the words over-dominated this piece. There was certainly some truth tucked behind it all, but the words seemed to just stand overtop of that and obscure it.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to describe, its like this never really pulled me into a realm of belief, and so the structure and framework that you built (which is usually one of the highlights of your writing style) just stood between me and the feeling you were attempting to deliver; and so I never felt a delivery.
#8
You remain an outstanding poet. For no particular reason, I read these two lines:

And in blindness words are uttered
of the suffered love and loss,


as

And in the blindness, words are uttered
of the suffered loss and love,


I have no idea why my brain would do such a thing to your poetry, but it did.

peace
#9
how real it is to be
and not to be
together.


did that just happen? Amazing lines. love it.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#10
In the blistering light of shadows
carefully eluding capture,
two, they stand in black and colour,


This is a brilliant opening to me, kept me reading the rest even though i dont feel like reading. It just rhymes so nicely.. Overall, really good piece
#11
Quote by Carmel
1 2

In the blistering light of shadows
carefully eluding capture,
two, they stand in black and colour,
figures looking on and farther
than we’ve ever seen.

Here, I liked how you dissected a simple period of time into a mood, which you illustrated quite vividly. But the word 'colour' was a bit cheap to add, and quite redundant in comparison. I believe that this section alone begs to be expanded. As wonderful as it is I could probably say that about the other two {of your poems in the series} as well. But it is up to you, like always, to invent your own jazz around it if you feel it is needed- which I am sure would be a wonderful addition to an otherwise solid opener to the piece.

They are borders for the sunlight,
where the latter never goes,

I'm not sure what you mean by the word 'latter' in the context of this piece.

they are blurred and they don’t matter,
characters of no existence in the
realm of sight and different wavelengths
between us and who they are.
And in blindness words are uttered
of the suffered love and loss,
they cannot see but they can feel
how real it is to be
and not to be
together.

This section was down right brilliant, there's really nothing that I could add here; everything down to the line-breaks fit perfectly with the overall relevence of the piece, IMHO.


Thank you for sharing, Carmel
#12
very real. By real I mean that it doesn't feel like anything is forced, it has a nice flow and rythm. You are seriously an awesome poet/ lyricist.
#13
This is really good! The only criticism I have is that I thought the sentence

characters of no existence in the
realm of sight and different wavelengths
between us and who they are.


didn't flow very well with the rest.