#1
my first real attempt at a metal song

(verse 1)

I see the blood flow down our back and know that your in pain but when you turn around there on your face or tears of joy

Your screaming loud but not of anguish but of happiness because the cleansing has begun. Lets see where this all goes

(chorus)

Lets watch the city burn to the ground then have a parade
to commemorate all the good thats been done, the lost have now been saved.
Hide the matches and the gas tank, no-one knows it was us.
Then lets go back now to that city, in us they will always trust.

(verse 2)

your smile glows now with the hatred that we all feel. Your just the only one brave enough to let it show.

Your eyes shine with the light that will show us where we need to go, but when you close them we all are lost again.

(chorus)

Lets watch the city burn to the ground then have a parade
to commemorate all the good thats been done, the lost have now been saved.
Hide the matches and the gas tank, no-one knows it was us.
Then lets go back now to that city, in us they will always trust.

(bridge)
*x2
**x2


*Bring the here...
Show them pain...
Make them an example...
there blood will rain...

**Eyes wide shut...
Scream so soft...
Kill playfully...
Hearts ripped off...

(chorus)

Lets watch the city burn to the ground then have a parade
to commemorate all the good thats been done, the lost have now been saved.
Hide the matches and the gas tank, no-one knows it was us.
Then lets go back now to that city, in us they will always trust.

(outro)

The reaper waits for no-one, not even for himself.
So pray for your life if you wish, and dive into this hell.
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
Last edited by NOTAFOX at Nov 17, 2009,
#3
i assume your saying ou dont like it lol. thats ok. some feedback would be nice though
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
#4
Quote by NOTAFOX
i assume your saying ou dont like it lol. thats ok. some feedback would be nice though



haha oops just read what i posted, not really on the ball today.

i meant i dont really get what there about.
#5
oic lol. idk, i just started writing and this is what came out lol. my friends have been getting me into metal latly but im not really sure how to do without the obvious stuff. i write more punky/emoish stuff usually so this is new to me lol
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
Last edited by NOTAFOX at Nov 17, 2009,
#7
that i shall lol
There is a saying in poetry, "show me, don't tell me." here you are announcing everything, like an announcer to a sporting event. "Dave has the ball. Dave passes the ball. Dave picks his ass."

~Zanascross

XD epic win
#8
I thought the chorus sounded like a punk song, as goes for most of this. The first stanza definitely gave me a good impression, but to be honest it all went downhill from there. Keep working on it though, wasn't a bad effort at all for a first attempt.