I'm so confused....

She's so excited to see me again that she grabs my hands and literally jumps for joy
all the benadryll in her glove box wouldn't keep her from hopping around
at first straight up and down,
then in circles,
then into me
I have to drop my bag to catch her,
better my laptop than her feelings

She finally settles down
and pulls her face off my neck
long enough for us to get in the car
She starts the engine, then turns on the heater,
making a point of turning all the vents towards me
I always hated the cold, and it felt good being able to take one of my jackets off

It takes her a minute to get it in gear
I give her a sarcastic smile, but I know better than to offer to drive
She's too proud a girl
I get a sarcastic look back, just as she finds first
Without the slightest hesitation
she floors the gas, pops the clutch, and hits hard left
Her driving will get more subtle once we get closer to our usual spot

The back of her car isn't that roomy,
but she somehow finds the room to sit straight up in my lap
and just enough space over her head to keep bouncing around
Every once in a while she'll give it a rest
she'll pull me by my shirt and kiss me
trying to figure out what to do with her hands, with ideas ranging from
patting my shoulders
squeezing my arms
pulling my hair
even choking me a little

She's rocking her hips so hard that her breasts keep bouncing off my chest
she seems to be having fun
but all I can think about is the cold
I'm starting to wish she hadn't turned the car off
I thought she knew better

She asks me where I'm going to stay tonight
since I don't know, she offers to sneak me into her room
I should know better
at least she's having fun
Last edited by greyeyedfire at Nov 17, 2009,
well i think this was very good. I felt a lot from it. the attitude of the narrator towards it made me pretty damn sad. It got me thinking, the writng was colloquial in the good sense. the words bouncing around sounded a little off. maybe changing that would work since you use bouncing pretty soon after too.

really like it.
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Dream about me
As a writer, you face two big challenges with a series. First, each book needs to work as a stand-alone for anyone who’s new to your work. At the same time, it’s important to jump ahead with each installment, always racheting up the stakes.

I try not to mess around. The first book in the trilogy, Plague Year, opens with five billion dead as the remnants of humankind cling to mountaintops around the world because the runaway nanotech self-destructs at low air densities. So. That’s all good scary fun — but what do you do for an encore? It was tough enough to outdo myself with the second book, Plague War. How about a little romance? Politics. Bug swarms as big as small cities! Bwah HA ha ha ha!!!
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