#1
kinda a reaction AGAINST most "broken hearts" songs.

"Broken Hearts"
I saw a maiden grow a corpse
Now he coulda been murdered or coulda had warts
The cause of death could be of any sort
Except a broken heart.

Momma said, "Don't ever quit"
More with her eyes than with her lips
Now it's gotten me out of a few bad trips
Except some broken hearts

Rain keeps falling through the door
So pick a side, 'cause this means war!
And the battle ends with just a roar
A roar and a broken heart.

So it's alright if you decide to leave
We've had some fun (you know what I mean)
Now, I won't cry, but you will, I see
And that would break my heart.

"Dry your eyes" I start to say
As the leaves on the trees begin to sway
And the wind that blew my mind away
Blew away our broken hearts.
#2
I felt it was a solid song. I didn't like when you brought out the "coulda had warts" card in the second line. And I think the ending could have been a tad bit stronger. But otherwise nice song good sir.

EDIT: I take that back. I misread the ending. The end is solid. So just the second line thing.
Last edited by 21wickwing at Nov 17, 2009,
#3
thank ya, wrote this a while ago, i guess "warts" was to signify that people really can die of just about anything (plus it rhymed lol)

I'll work on that, thank ya VERY much.
#4
Nice song allthrough.

Some stuff thought,
i didn't really like when you used "coulda" instead of "could have". In my mind it makes it gangsta, but might be a personal preference.

Also, last line of the last stanza, "blew our broken hearts away" sounds better in my head. Again, personal preference if you want it to rhyme a 3rd time or not.
(btw, that last stanza was beautiful.)

C4C ?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1230681
#5
and "coulda" was written to show that it was supposed to be quick in order to keep rhythm

I wanted to keep the last stanza with "blew away our broken hearts" because it ends with "broken hearts" the way other stanzas do, IE, (strict 4/4 rhythm with beats accented with capitals)
i SAW a MAIDen GROW a CORPSE
COULDA been MURdered or COULDA had WARTS

Coulda is meant to be one syllable (or that quick), instead of could have which must be two syllables.
#6
My mistake then.

And true about the last line, now that i re-read it it is better like that.