#1
hiya people, just a song i quickly wrote hope i could get your opinions on it and critisms. thanks.


SETTING SOON

A moment like this is rarely seen
i prayed that i could have been
stronger than i was today
as i let the moment slip away
my heart jumped and skipped a beat
did i really have the chance to meet
the woman of my dreams.

a rush of blood and a hot sweat,
will i ever get, the chance to meet again
The woman of my dreams.

the voice of an angel and the looks too,
i didn't know what to do
to be stronger than i was today,
but the moment passed away.

what could i have done, beauty like a rising sun,
fading like a distant moon,it's setting soon
it's setting soon,setting far too soon,

A moment like this is rarely seen
i prayed that i could have been
stronger than i was today
as i let the moment slip away
my heart jumped and skipped a beat
did i really have the chance to meet
the woman of my dreams.

a rush of blood and a hot sweat,
will i ever get, the chance to meet again
The woman of my dreams.
The woman of my dreams.
#2
This is great work! I especially enjoyed the stanza with the title line. The repetition is effective throughout the whole piece, but I found the line "Woman of my dreams" uncomfortable and cliche. Perhaps a metaphor would've worked for it?
Overall, really exciting stuff. Created a lot of warm feelings in me and my peniswhat?
#3
yeah i was unsure about the woman of my dreams line but couldn't think of anything to replace it. glad you like it. the first song i have written so glad that it has been well recieved. and peniswhat?? Lmao.
#5
thanks bud, i never thought people would like this, i think it would sound good with a voice like michael buble or something similar, shame i can't sing for shit.
#7
thanks dude, is there anylessons on how to improve on here or do you know any good sites that could teach me??
#8
could anyone let me know if they can think of a better line than the woman of my dreams??? thanks guys
#9
need a few more critiques please as might need to perform it soon and need to have it as good as i can. thanks