#1
Hey guy's I wrote this song about a friend of mine that was shot by the police a few year's ago and I need help with the lyrics, as alway's it rhymes too much I will not change the chorus though, but any suggestions about other lines would be much appreciated.


Blast it in your veins
Now your goin insane
Got your heart pumpin
like a run away train

Nuthin really matters long as you get paid

Welcome to the Payne county charade
where the D.A.'s got a lab
and he knows your name
got the sheriff in his pocket
time to play his game

Had a vendetta
had to settle the score
dirty cop dien'
bleedin' out on the floor
conscious never minded
it exist's no more

So easy to end up in a shallow grave

Welcome to the Payne county charade
where the D.A.'s got a lab
and he knows your name
got the sheriff in his pocket
time to play his game

Ya kenny had to run
in his beat up ford
put the the pedal straight
through the floor
MOTHER****ER shot him through the door

now his brother's cryin
life will never be the same

Welcome to the Payne county charade
where the D.A.'s got a lab
and he knows your name
got the sheriff in his pocket
time to play his game

got caught up in the dope game
and nuthin else has changed <-- (this verse needs another line and I really want to say something about the southern meth epidemic here and how it has effected my life killing one hell of alot of Oklahoman's my friend's included)

so easy to end up in a shallow grave

Welcome to the Payne county charade
where the D.A.'s got a lab
and he knows your name
got the sheriff in his pocket
time to play his game
#2
This should be in the main S+L forum, not in Techniques.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#3
Ahh well hmm damn ganoosh gimme some idea's on what words to use instead of the ones that rhyme. Maybe the admin's will move it?