#1
Winter’s Moon

Will you hold the tears in for a minute?
Clinching my shirt as your tears trickle down your cheek.
So weak, yet so lovely.
This day has lasted so long.
This day has lasted so long and, now is crashing.
The sun is going now.
The sun is burning out.
So cold just like winter
And you,
Will never make it to the night.
Will never make it through.
So please,
Hold the tears in for me.


My shirt is so,
My shirt is soaked
In tears that are streaming
My eyes are so
my eyes are soaked
my tears are leaking down
Oh please
It's devastating
This isn’t fair; it’s never fair
I carry you down the road so cold
Frozen in the winter’s casket
Don’t move, my legs are frail
But I’ll carry you
I carry you

Sun down
Don’t go
And you know
That I’ve always loved you
Midnight
And you know
That I’ll never leave you
This is the night; this is the time
I shed my tears over the hospital bed
Clinch
My hand
Grip
My hand!

How was I supposed to know
The roads were slick the traffic was thick
What was I supposed to do
My eyes trailed off and, now I’m caught
In this mess
The time sure flies when I can’t do a thing
It’s getting late
And my mind burns circles around my head
Don’t give up
Please
Don’t give in
Oh no

Don’t.. give…in
Alexis Divine

If my heart is stone then you're Medusa
Last edited by Alexis Divine at Nov 30, 2009,
#2
I really liked this piece, it was emotive with good imagery, but never became too trite or cliche. Some really good lines in this. I particularly liked 'So weak, yet so lovely' and 'The sun is going now. The sun is burning out' from the first stanza, 'Frozen in the winter’s casket. Don’t move, my legs are frail' from the second, and the internal rhyme in 'The roads were slick the traffic was thick' in the last.

Couple of things - wasn't sure about 'Oh please Take me' in the second - while I appreciate the emotion, but this line has been used way too much in songs. Similarly, the 'so broke' in this line 'I carry you down the road so broke' seemed a bit cheap, can't quite say why but somehow it brought down the tone of a great piece. Only other thing is I think you mean to say 'How was I supposed to know' instead of 'How was I expose to know'.

Great piece, I really enjoyed reading it.

See mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1232419
#3
I made a few changes to correspond with your opinion. I think it flows better now, thanks.
Alexis Divine

If my heart is stone then you're Medusa