#1
One
Two
Three
Four


Remember that one time we watched "The Bucket List" together?
Well I made my own bucket list,
I want to read it to you 'cause I'm pretty sure you'd like it.

I pulled a small coffee-stained piece of paper out of my back pocket. Unfolded it and started stumbling through my scarred handwriting and welling tears.

Go to Bob Bondurants racing school in Arizona and drive one of those corvettes.
Find an original Robert Johnson record. Play it for my grandkids.
Build a Shelby Cobra kit car.
Build a train set that really is as big as a house.
Take your old .45 and find the idiot hospital nurse who let you suffocate. Shoot her in the face with it.


And you know what I'm gonna do with the money
they gave us from your wrongful death lawsuit?
I'm going to buy a 1959 Mercedes Gullwing,
just for you.


I folded the piece of paper back up as neatly as it was, and placed it right above him. Right where he could read it whenever he wanted, see little teardrop stains and know that I truly am sorry.





This series is based very heavily on a true story.The conversations actually happened, the train place is a real place as is the shooting range(and the guns). He died when they were moving him for some sort of test, and the tube fell out of his neck. They could have easily put it back in, but they "weren't qualified" even though they were all RNs. He suffocated and died.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#2
Wow, great stuff. I just read the whole thing, and I can definetly relate to this. I do this with my dad, he'll talk about stuff I'm not interested in, and I'll just utter a series of replies until he stops talking. Damnit I suck. Thanks for making me realise this.

At first I was a bit irritated with the whole thing because it didn't rhyme, but reading it all, it hits hard and works well.

I like the way this final(?) part ties the whole thing together by taking all the previous stories and explaining how they've influenced your decisions today, and how much you regret your ignorance in the past.
Call me Batman.
Last edited by J.A.M at Nov 20, 2009,
#3
I had wondered if this was about what it ended up being about. Congratulations, I finally care. A lot. But....and this will sound horrible, I wouldn't have cared as much if it wasn't a true story. The piece just didn't quite have enough POW to sink in. Sorry.
#4
Quote by kdownes
I had wondered if this was about what it ended up being about. Congratulations, I finally care. A lot. But....and this will sound horrible, I wouldn't have cared as much if it wasn't a true story. The piece just didn't quite have enough POW to sink in. Sorry.


I think I sort of believe this as well, this one was brilliant but-

I just didn't connect emotionally with the others ones which would have had a bigger impact on me at the end If I had of.

I understand it was great that you made us feel how that kid felt 'pretty cool' and passive but I would have been more involved in it if some emotion had seeped through in the first two or three poems. I was too distanced from it even if it was your intention to make us feel like that.

I did however enjoy this one.

If you could crit skyscrapers that would be great.
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