#1
wrote this about/for a friend going through a little rough patch.
could use some feedback C4C

Going crazy
But I think there's something you ought to know
Believe in me
I know
I know, because I've been there before
Lost all sense of feeling
Good about yourself

But if i could see what I see
Then you'd know just how amazing you are
If you could see what I see
Angel your beautiful
If you could see what I see
That your someone to believe in
If you could see what i see

The roads
Not all are paved w/ silver and gold
A tradegy
So cold
So cold and all alone
Sittng around you feeling yourself
Wasting away

If could see what I see
Then you'd know just how amazing you are
If you could see what I see
Angel your beautiful
If you could see what I see
That your someone to believe in
If you could see what i see
#2
I like the message this delivers. I really would like to hear it as a song. The only thing I don't really like is the first line "Going crazy." It seems too vague. Who is going crazy? Why? Just a couple words before this would make it flow better and make more sense.

Oh here's links to my songs if you want C4C:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1234165
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1233756
Last edited by Ginger1104 at Nov 23, 2009,
#3
Quote by Ginger1104
I like the message this delivers. I really would like to hear it as a song. The only thing I don't really like is the first line "Going crazy." It seems too vague. Who is going crazy? Why? Just a couple words before this would make it flow better and make more sense.



good points. thanks.

i need a way to get the song onto my computer, as soon as i can i'll be happy to upload it
#4
Quote by ChucklesMginty
Pretty nice,

It could use tidying in a few places where the lines don't particularly fit.
The 'angel you're beautiful' line in particular, it might work better at the end of each paragraph instead.




that's initially where that line was but i didn't like the way it sounded, and after hearing it again my mind hasn't changed. i see what your getting at though