#1
OTS


you'll find there's some truth
in how the crosseyed youth say John Wilkes Booth
was the worst man ever. but, in fact,
he's just the worst man in the history of history classes
while each one of our histories asks us
if we'd ever kill the president
or maybe if we'd ever killed a precedent
because it wasn't our invention yet,
if we'd ever shot someone down because his views were a little different
or because they were really ours
but we were scared to be articulate.
the answers to these questions can tell us how our textbooks will be written
as our deeds and don'ts are studied by our wide-eyed children.
they say that history is repeating and repeating again
so if you, my friend, murder anything
before it can achieve greatness
expect it to be immortalized, imprinted on book pages
and for your kids to wear a face of muzzled rancor,
iron heartburn and quiet desperation,
their fingers forever quivering on the trigger
of the gun
behind the head
of something better than they are.
here, My Dear, here it is
Last edited by SubwayToVenus at Nov 22, 2009,
#2
Hott! I like it a lot man! Im a huge fan of conscience rap, and while that may not be the genre you intended the lyrics for, your lyrics would fall perfectly in that catergory of "making you think". Love it.
#3
Clever.

But that's about it. Made me think a little bit, but that is all. It's yet to be decided whether I will remember this piece when I wake up tomorrow or if it will have never happened. We'll have to see.

I will say, your rhyming skill has increased exponentially. classes/asks us. I liked that one because I didn't even catch it 'till I was already halfway through the next line.
Today I feel electric grey
I hope tomorrow, neon black
#4
This has a real beat poem feel to it, races along nicely and the rhyming is sublime. You are just improving out of sight, kiddo.
#5
Thanks everyone.

@jmw - this is more of a poem but I am heavily influenced by the flow and intricate rhyming of rap music, especially conscious rap as you said. thanks for the kind words

@ganoosh - did you still remember it? haha

@kdownes - thanks a lot man. i appreciate it
here, My Dear, here it is
#6
i agree with kdownes, it seems each poem you post is gradually a step above the other. i thought the middle got a tttaaaaaad bit wordy, but thats just me, the flow was still there but idk. props for the lincoln reference, i adore him.
nothing else to say.
#8
Yeap very fun to read indeed. Flows nicely and i just feel theres nothing wrong with this at all.Perfect.
Oh and can someone tell me what OTS means? =/