#1
Another one I just got started on this morning. Any comments/criticism. For the most part this one seems to sound fine when I put it with some chords.

Everything You Want Isn’t Too Far Away

When you look out your window
And think of where your dreams are
And wonder where’s your hero
All you can think is they’re too far

You just gotta know they’re all around the corner
Just waiting for you to go and find them

There’s no need to wait for another day
When you can go find your dreams right here and now
You’ll find it won’t take long to figure out how
Everything you want isn’t too far away

Your hero waits for you at a corner café
Writing sad love songs about being alone
And how that’s the only thing he’s ever known
Everything you want isn’t too far away
#2
I don't have real great constructive criticism, but I liked the flow of this, and how it was concise.
The third line bothered me, I felt it should be: "And Wonder Where Your Hero Is"
Also, are these JUST lyrics, or do you have a melody and such? Where you planning on having a whole lot of repetition, choruses, etc.?
#3
So far just a start to lyrics. It is going to be a song, so one more verse then two more choruses.
#4
nice job, be personally i hate the word and. Good job i liked would like to see more. Is it a song ? Love to hear the music part you have for it.
My newest cover Rivers Of Babylon sublime style.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J_E7iWLxmiA


My gear:
taylor 310
Fender strat MiM
Cry Baby-GCB-95
Tone port ux2
tascam dp4
80s rock, classic rock, classic metal
#5
i like the last stanza, especially the first two lines.

Im a bit confused, is there more than one 'hero'? because at the end you only mention the one. im probably being really thick?

'And wonder where’s your hero
All you can think is they’re too far
You just gotta know they’re all around the corner
Just waiting for you to go and find them'
#6
Quote by sheri234
i like the last stanza, especially the first two lines.

Im a bit confused, is there more than one 'hero'? because at the end you only mention the one. im probably being really thick?

'And wonder where’s your hero
All you can think is they’re too far
You just gotta know they’re all around the corner
Just waiting for you to go and find them'


This is very true, grammatically, if you're only talking about one person, or one hero, then "they" is a... subject disagreement? I forgot the actual term, but you cannot use "they" to reference one person. "He" or "she" is the appropriate word.
#7
Hmmm I can't quite remember what I was thinking. That was a silly grammar error. Thanks for pointing it out! I'll start writing a melody for this before long I think.
#8
I really like it, got a nice flow when i go over it in my mind and with speech, I especially like what looks like a chorus (the third paragraph.) All I think might be better is if you change the title to "Everything you want isn't far away" Becuase the too seems well un-needed to me imo. But very good, I want to see more
My name is Jack.
#9
hey man, thanks for the crit!

there isnt really much to say that hasnt been said. It has a good flow, the song tells the story it should.

i think the last stanza is the best also. a couple more stanzas and you will have a cool song.
what style of music is it?
The times are changing
#10
Thanks for the crit man, the song seems to flow together well, even without much structure to it, there seems to be a good groove to it, cant wait to hear it completed.