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#1
Alright so I'm a pretty darn average guitar player, fortunately however I can sing. So I tend to get a fair few gigs playing in the pubs and clubs of Lancashire.

Unfortunately its a one man show

Pros
-More Dosh
-I can pick the songs

Cons
-Not as much fun
-No solos
-No Support

So, after driving for the better part of an hour in a complete downpour I finally arrive at the place I'm meant to be playing at. I walk through the door with my precious acoustic guitar and ask the barman to keep a close eye on it, whilst I walk about 50 metres outside to grab my P.A. from the back of the car. As I come back in I notice the guitar is nowhere to be seen

We are talking here about a beautiful Takimine which I had customised and perfected to be ideal, in short. I love this guitar more than anything else in the world...this includes my missus (she isn't happy with the arrangement).

The following conversation takes place

ME- Where's my guitar?!
BARMAN- What guitar
ME- FUUUUUUU...The guitar in the bloody massive brown case with "this machine kills lawyers" scrawled on the side of it
BARMAN- Nope, not seen it

By this stage I'm about to have a heart attack. I'm running everywhere trying to find it, when I notice a bunch of guys in their late 20's with slightly smirky expressions. The Guitar is hidden behind them.

ME- Scuse me, could you pass us that guitar.
PRAT- What guitar
ME- *Sigh* God gave Moses ten commandments, I'm giving you just one. Dont be a dick

I grab the guitar and begin to set up, with the PRAT group (as I like to call them) just a few feet away. During this time they:

1-Move songsheets off the music stand and attempt to hide them
2- Move the mic into daft positions
3- Unplug the P.A.
4- Comment loudly that I'll probably be rubbish, etc etc.

The Gig Starts and people clearly like it, unfortunately I can't pay attention to them as the PRAT group (all five of em) yell out that they don't like Tears for Fears, The Eurithmics or The Jam. They want to hear the Arctic Monkeys.

The Arctic Monkeys aren't in the set but I manage to guess my way through Mardy Bum just to shut them up...doesn't work

PRAT group- Now play "Look good on the dance floor"
ME- Maybe later
PRAT group- No now, were paying for it!
Me- ?... well I'm sure there are some people who'd like to hear something different.

Nope, turns out the PRAT group don't like Buddy Holly, Elton John, Radiohead (by request) or Oasis or the Kinks, they want more Arctic Monkeys.

Its around this time that my knight or rather knightess in shining armour appears. The Barmaid, who was getting tired about comments from the PRAT group about her boobs (they were jaw droppingly big) tells them that Buddy Holly songs are romantic and that she loves them.

PRAT group exit stage left with jeers from the audience.

-

Okay so it was a happy ending and the rest of the gig was one of the best I've played, but I've never felt so pissed off or humiliated in my life. As any musician knows, you do not touch someone elses guitar without permission. Not to mention the deliberate knocking over of the music stand every 2 minutes.

People say that musicians make too much money for a few hours work...they clearly have never been a musician.


TLDR- wiggy1988 whines a lot.
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#2
Unless you've lost an ear, it is not the gig from hell.

Nor did Satan show up...
If 4 more people tell me to go back to writing The Vanishing Point, I will.


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#4
Quote by 310320
Unless you've lost an ear, it is not the gig from hell.

Nor did Satan show up...


Yeah but I play acoustic shows. To a softy like me, this was pretty bad.
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

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#6
Umm this is kinda a blog

But generally yeah thats the disadvantage of such a small venue.
Blog Of Awesome UGers.
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Being an idiot should be illegal too.
#8

I'd be pissed
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yea its way too much for my little stick lol
#10
i doubt i would have handled that as good as you did. great job man
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solid state. when she screams it pisses me off

^

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Dimebag had s*** tone and that guitar plays like an abortion. Come at me, bro!


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It's because Garth Brooks brings the ****in' br00tz.
#11
I am from Burnley many years ago. What part of Lancashire are you from?


And - cool story bro. Actually sounds like it worked out ok in the end. Did you get her number?
#12
Quote by Venice King
Umm this is kinda a blog

But generally yeah thats the disadvantage of such a small venue.


The pit is generally kinda a blog

Only the pit blogs about masturabation, megan fox, the girl from Paramore and memes.
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

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#14
Quote by Howard2k
I am from Burnley many years ago. What part of Lancashire are you from?


And - cool story bro. Actually sounds like it worked out ok in the end. Did you get her number?


I'm from near Preston.

Nah didn't get the number, like I said my missus is unhappy enough with the guitar taking priority without me taking phone numbers from barmaids
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#16
im surprised these bloody prats dident get kicked out. (trying to work on typing like a british... did i do good lol) But still, your right, no one touches a guitarists material without their permission, that pisses me off. Glad that everything went through good tho.
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#18
Quote by wiggy1988
I'm from near Preston.

Nah didn't get the number, like I said my missus is unhappy enough with the guitar taking priority without me taking phone numbers from barmaids


I have a photo kicking around somewhere of me outside Deepdale with my Dad.

Anyway - if it makes you feel any better, you are got out of it ok and clearly you are 100 times better on guitar than those prats would have been.
#19
Quote by joe_k
a few douches i can handle. when you get abused by a pub full of bogans for being wogs it is time to play as much ac/dc as possible and run.


That didn't happen to you did it?!
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

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#20
yeh, the problem was that i'm a leb, the singer was portuguese, the drummer was thai and the bass player was samoan. we were out west and learnt that these people don't like ethnics the hard way. needless to say we didn't win that night at the band comp.
#21
Quote by Howard2k
I have a photo kicking around somewhere of me outside Deepdale with my Dad.

Anyway - if it makes you feel any better, you are got out of it ok and clearly you are 100 times better on guitar than those prats would have been.


cheers mate
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#22
Quote by joe_k
yeh, the problem was that i'm a leb, the singer was portuguese, the drummer was thai and the bass player was samoan. we were out west and learnt that these people don't like ethnics the hard way. needless to say we didn't win that night at the band comp.


I am actually shocked that people can still judge music based on the ethnicity of the performer...I'd have thought playing AC/DC would win over anybody.
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#23
Are the Arctic Monkeys really THAT popular over there, that they'll pay money to harass a kid to play it on guitar rather than staying home to youtube it?
#26
Quote by wiggy1988
ME- Where's my guitar?!
BARMAN- What guitar
ME- FUUUUUUU...The guitar in the bloody massive brown case with "this machine kills lawyers" scrawled on the side of it
BARMAN- Nope, not seen it




you're the monkey

Sadly I know people like these and they somehow function in society without being murdered.
Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
Last edited by Lemoninfluence at Nov 22, 2009,
#27
Quote by wiggy1988
I am actually shocked that people can still judge music based on the ethnicity of the performer...I'd have thought playing AC/DC would win over anybody.


there are very few places that would happen. it was one of those 'locals only' pubs where everyone knows each other and if you live more then a 10 min drunk drive away you aren't welcome.
#28
I hate lawyers...nobody likes lawyers, not even other lawyers.
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Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#30
Quote by Lespauljames
not quite, but.....


more accurate than you might think
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#31
Quote by wiggy1988
I hate lawyers...nobody likes lawyers, not even other lawyers.

That might be true but

Rhythm in Jump. Dancing Close to You.

Quote by element4433
Yeah. people, like Lemoninfluence, are hypocrites and should have all their opinions invalidated from here on out.
#32
Quote by Lemoninfluence
That might be true but



your awesome....for a lawyer
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#33
Quote by wiggy1988
I hate lawyers...nobody likes lawyers, not even other lawyers.

I wanna go to school to be a lawyer.

What you said is true
#34
Yeah, life's hard right?! Try being a barman every night of the week, it's worse... a lot worse.

But yeah, dickholes in pubs suck ass.
#36
you should have fucked the barmaid on stage and blew a load all over them...

atleast that the way I'd tell it.
Bands I must see in concert
Silvertide
The Black Crowes
Jackyl
Black Stone Cherry
AC/DC
StoneRider
Freedomhawk
The Darkness and/or the sideprojects of the band members
Buckcherry
The Answer

Theres more. But those are the main ones
#37
Quote by Kyle.E
Yeah, life's hard right?! Try being a barman every night of the week, it's worse... a lot worse.

But yeah, dickholes in pubs suck ass.


I work in a pub part time so I agree. I've been in the catering industry since I was sixteen dealing with chefs who think theyre gordon ramsey, or drunks who don't know when to call it a night
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#39
I hope my gigs go better than this, mind you we're a full band so the punters will only get a few seconds between songs to heckle at worst.
#40
Damn, nice, but how'd you "manage" to play your way through Mardy Bum. I sometimes hear people say things like this but I'm unsure what they mean. I would be scared as hell to play a song i barely knew in front of an audience. But then again ive only played like one show.
Last edited by Agithor at Nov 23, 2009,
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