#1
And here's my newest song. It's unfinished, as I'm at a loss for where to go next. I wrote myself into breakdown/tempo change corner and am currently a little disoriented with the songwriting. Thus, it's fairly short right now.

Influences are Necrophagist, the Facless, and the Red Chord.

Enjoy.

Also, crit for crit and whatnot.

EDIT: Song finally finished. New proggy section was added, as well as some Tool-esque polyrhythms and a chuggy ending.
Attachments:
Cunnilingus and Charles Mingus.gp4
Cunnilingus and Charles Mingus.gp5
Cunnilingus and Charles Mingus.mid
Last edited by onebetter at Dec 27, 2009,
#2
I'm too lazy to go into detail about the song but I loved everything about it.
#4
Quote by Themadisraeli
Everything in this song is exellent until measure 60.

Why, why I must ask, must you kill a good riff by deathcoring it to shit? It kills the momentum entirely. Either write a new riff there or don't do a breakdown.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1234597 crit mine?

The breakdown fits the song well. Just because you don't like deathcore doesn't mean he has to take it out.
#5
Ok, you're right and you've got a point. I'm sorry.

I don't have the problem with the breakdown, or breakdowns at all, but its the style of the breakdown I didn't care for. THIS COULD BE just purely aesthetic and that's fine if you take it that way but, if you were going to put a breakdown I'm personally not a fan of slowing down the same riff to a much slower tempo. I have no idea where you intend to take this song so maybe it could be an exercise of purposeful restraint but it seems rather redundant to me to simply slow that riff down to a crawling pace instead of simply writing something new. Don't take me for someone who's dissing groove or any element related or pertaining to it, I just don't think that particular riff needed to be molded into a breakdown neither do I think it works as a breakdown. I do think that you can play a riff and than play the same thing slower as a breakdown, I'm not even ruling that out, its just that particular riff in this particular song. I really do have no complaints or even suggestions for improvement concerning for the rest of it, i think its quite good. Sorry for being an ass man, you got me.
#6
Ah ok.. So I'm up to crit?
Well something that I wanted to hear more on this music was harmonies. Good techdeath song should include harmonies I think xD. Also some part that sounds like total mayhem wouldn't be bad. But I loved the song. But seriously.. No breakdown, It's very bad idea. Instead of breakdown I reccommend solo.
#8
1-5: Very dissonant, and techy. I like how you emphasize the end of the riff with drums suddenly doing 16th note patterns.

6-22: I like the use of triplets in bar 14 and 15.

28-30: Interesting harmonies on the guitars. I like them, they add to the techy feel.

31-37: I'm enjoying the really fast switching between quarter-note speed groovy bar and then the sixteenth note barrage. And repeat. Nice.

38-45: A bit too many open low string rhythms. Not too much a fan of that, but your syncopation makes them very very interesting. So it works out. Btw... bar 45... hand claps? really? In a tech deth song?

46: Pause. Yes it gets its own life of crit. it was that epic.

47-59: Breakdown? I think that's what it is. Anyways, your weird melody on the right guitar covered you completely. Usually I dislike breakdowns but this one, I quite liked. Plus, the bass came out of hiding for a few seconds in bar 55.

60-65: Ok more breakdown. This one has no redeeming features. Hmm, if you played it only once through instead of repeating it, it would be a bit less irksome... for me anyways, haha.

66-76: Very groovy. A nice shift from the general techniess of the song. And you're breaking out of the breakdown here so that is good imo. The bass is audible again for a change and I love whatever its doing. Also, the really... robotic? or systematic placement of notes in bars like 69 and 71 is very cool.

77: Excellent transition into the next section.

78-85: Ok I'm semi headbanging to this section. That's a nice thing... especially in a tech song where usually if you headbang along, you'd look like you're having an epileptic fit. I like how in bar 83 everything dies down for the bass to play the diminished chord.

86-89: I like how you make the drums sound as if they're trying to fit into a groove but haven't done it yet. Don't know if it was intentional but either way, it was cool. The 9/8 section seemed a bit forced initially but after a few listens it seems pretty seamless.

90-93: Drums settle into the groove. Bass stands out.

94-97: I like the drum beat here a lot. Btw, it sounds really empty without the right guitar.

98-100: Nice way to get back into the faster tempo area. I like the *bell* and emptiness on 100.

101-114: I like the galloping rhythms you bring in. Thrashy tech deth is always a pleasure to hear.

115-130: Nice speed, even more tension. The drums slowling down in bar 123 onward is a nice way to counter the first half of that section.

131-152: Nice in general. Using two bars as empty space is hmm, not so great imo. Try one instead.

Overall, I enjoyed your song quite a bit and I'm a fan of techdeth so that just made it even better. Hmm, the crit is a bit. Your bass guitar seems to have taken the traditional role of "do what the guitarist does" which I frown upon. Because although the first half of your song featured nothing noticeable by the bass, the second half did several times.

Also, lack of a structure. I know it's techish but Necrophagist, Obscura and Origin all have a structure. You don't come back to the initial main riff after half the song which leaves a lot to be desired. And during the tech deth parts, the drums suffer from traditional tech deth drumming by consisting of *blast beats* and *more blast beats*. However, to be fair, you broke out of that for more or less the entirety of the second half. Anyways, that's all I have to say. If i were to change anything, I'd opt for a more circular song structure, like A, B, A. Right now you're ABCDEFGILK haha, so it becomes an overbearing listen. Not that any of the riffs (besides a few parts in the breakdown) are bad, just that you threw too much in. That's all really, besides that, in case you couldn't tell, I really enjoyed your song.

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1250593
#9
Well so far, the drums sound kinda...not good. xD Not what they play, but the tone of them. xD You went messing with the effects. xD


The break downs part sounds kool, and usually I am not for break downs.

Ok, sorry, now it is to the slower break down right after what I said. Really generic for this style of music.

Ok, I am liking the experimental style bass.

Heh, I really like the transition at 101. Really well done.

Second break down sounds fine, until it comes back oober slow....Reminds me of a Psychostick song mocking the oober slow break downs....

Then it comes to the end, which could have been ended better before the oober slow break down in my opinion.


c4c?


https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22862000#post22862000