#1
A Poem


A ghost
Forbidden, pale
Conceited
Beyond the necrotic
Rotting form.

Unseen
Unwanted, forgotten
Defeated
To fall into pieces
Of shimmering white.

Watching the puzzle
Of life go by
Swallowed by death
Swallowed by time

At home now
Though not at peace
For to be deceased
Was not a relief.
#2
I like the open structure to this.
It hits me right where i live.




A ghost
I hate the word ghost.
Don't exactly know what it is about the word, but it puts me off.

Forbidden, pale
Conceited
Beyond the necrotic
Rotting form.
This is all working for me.
Brief phrases to paint a sketch.
Breaking the last of this in two was an obvious choice.


Unseen
Unwanted, forgotten
Defeated
To fall into pieces
I wonder if Falling might ring out a bit better than To fall.
sounds better inside my head, anyway.

Of shimmering white.

Watching the puzzle
Of life go by
Swallowed by death
Swallowed by time

At home now
Though not at peace
For to be deceased
Was not a relief.
The rhyme/near-rhyme in the last 3 lines turned me off.
The rest of the piece was devoid of anything like this.
It feels unsettling to change at the very end.




Despite the bits I disliked, it was still a nice experience.
I don't have anything up right now, so you don't need to reciprocate.
Meadows
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