This is a song I'm writing, it is meant to be funny...it's still a work in progress but i'd like some feedback, thanks in advance

When I was a boy I dreamed a dream
Of high seas and of riches
And when I awoke my pants were creamed
Although there were no bitches...

This ain't a tale of Blackbeard
Or of Jack Sparrow
It's a tale of privateers fear'd
By landlubbers, young and old!

The cap'n's name was Seaweed,
And his first mate was Fats
Never has he been defeated,
By sword, nor cannon, nor axe!

He and his crew sailed 'round Spain
Under the Union Jack
They were never too busy for a glass of champagne
Or a nice game of black jack!

Pirating viciously; no rest for the wicked!
Taking and killing and raping the wenches!
And now we chant, upon the decks!
This pirate song of plunder and sex!

So we'll tell you now and you'd better take heed
Don't invoke the wrath of Cap'n Seaweed!
He'll string you up by balls and meat
And penetrate you with a cockof concrete

HIs was a crew of a burley sort
Stealing and boozing and fighting at port
But always they would do their duty
Especially, of course, in the name of booty!

But then one foggy, fateful morn
While their ship was still seaborne
A scorned old lass, the resident whore
Made her way to the Cap'n's boudoir
They fucked and screwed and blew and blew
Until Seaweed's boner was subdued
Last edited by Dayman at Nov 23, 2009,
Quote by Hendrix_fan_14

That was great, it was a fun read.

I may suggest changing that 'union jack/black jack.' I just didn't feel like it worked very well, in terms of following the flow you had going. Otherwise it was good.

If you could have a look at 'apostle' that would be great, cheers

Yeah it doesn't fit well imo either, but I couldn't really think of anything else. Ideas anyone?