#1
Cigarettes
keep me sane
at least enough
to fight the pain

but they're all gone
so are you
I could buy more
but what's the use?

This is the fragile life I lead
Day in, day out; watch me bleed
Rage against this blind machine
One more kiss is all I need
from you
See you soon

Watched the sun
Rise again
Over hills
Dark and dim

Bloodshot red
Singed my eyes
Burning glare
Sleep deprived

This is the fragile life I lead
Day in, way out; feel me bleed
Rage against this blind machine
One more kiss is all I need
from you
See you soon

I never let
Anything go
I never lived
Thought you should know

This was the fragile life I led
Over and out of my meds
Raged until the machine bled
Everything is all that I needed
from you
See you soon

Gonna die
in this room
Wish me luck
See you soon
I want Super Saiyan abilities
Last edited by rebelmidget at Nov 26, 2009,
#2
I read over this a couple times and it seems like you have two stories going on, are you trying to do like a jekyll and hyde approach? It seems good you just gotta make a couple fixes here and there. Let me know if you make any changes.
#3
I could see how you'd pick up on two different stories, but not in a Jekyll & Hyde sense. It's all about the same thing...
I want Super Saiyan abilities
#4
i like it but the one thing i dont understand about is the line "from you" that you repeat a few times, it just doesnt fit imo and seems like it could be a better and easier read with it excluded. maybe your reading it with a different flow i dont know, overall pretty good though