#1
I'm not accustomed to explaining things, so I won't, but I really had fun writing this, and I bet it looked funny to the drivers as I walked down the road putting it together. Please, butcher it for flow, because that's what I'm after, and other important things that we love poetry for.


it’s pandaemonium, it’s chaos, it’s poetry,
it’s madness in motion, blood flowing
gutters in protest, wide open ocean.

it’s remembering the lines when leaves
are left behind, cultural amenities traded
in for rhymes, and waking, walking,

kicking cans over mountainous land,
he’ll be waiting there, shotgun in hand,
what have we got for him, here

offer some prayers to the girl
off in some war, strong and passionate soul,
offer some more condolences for her beliefs.
a subtle death by mortar blast, blast,

backlash a little, ‘til the murder rage has passed

reinvent the squire’s page, now that the knight
has fallen, night is falling still - when will it sky,
what will it sea, and where will it land, and the
queen, how is she, her city-states abandoned

and by a hand’s design we're ailing,
while her allies in rhymes are failing,

and it’s pandaemonium, it’s chaos, it’s madness -
it’s poetry, emotion: a wide open ocean by which
we scale our ever-growing protest.
#2
Well done, you must actually read books. I've read so many lyrics and it seems that they dont really make it an art. You obviously see the artistic nature in writing. Congrats, you are now a Psycho Certified Lyricist (PCL)
#3
pro dude.

only problem i had was this:

offer some prayers to the girl
off in some war, strong and passionate soul,
offer some more condolences for her beliefs.
a subtle death by mortar blast, blast,


It just doesn't seem to fit, unless I missed something? Either way it just needs a little tweaking particularly the last mortar blast segment