#1
Thick smoke rises from the ashes of indecency
Destroyed is this place in which we made our dwelling
One structure is spared, the very essence of corruption
History repeats itself, the future being manipulated
Into the eternal damnation that our ancestors shamefully prognosticated
The world that the cracked out old man forewarned us about
The ascertainable denouement that the masses so negligently ignored
He said all is soon to change
The government we thought we knew.
We thought we trusted
Is to be done so no longer.

Next life lets learn something.

I'm thinking of writing a short story and including this somehow. Let me know what you think.
#2
To me, the last line doesn't seem to fit for me. While I was reading this, I got this feeling like "why did we waste our time? we only have one life" kinda thing. But that last line is just like a huge flip if what I was thinking. But that's just me. Overall, though, very good piece. The wording is great and fits together with the rest.

If you have the time, could you please crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=22406171#post22406171
R.I.P. Ronnie James Dio. Supplied amazing music to both me and my mother.

He will be missed.
#3
I thought it was good but then the government line came up and I was like, que? That didn't seem to fit, the last few lines. I'm all for bashing the government but it didn't fit here.
If you get a chance can you check out mine? Its "dusk"
Quote by nashawa
You're my idol, so I must destroy you